Let Go
by KaiaLuna
Summary: A conversation with Rosalie leaves Bella confused and sad. Affected by the conversation as much as her, other Cullen relationships are affected. In the end is loving someone sometimes about letting them go? By popular opinion this is being turned into a story instead of a one-shot. Thanks for all the support and encouragement! Hope you all like where I take it.
1. Chapter 1

"Things got better after I found Emmett but we'll always be this." I listened to Roaslie, my heart broke for her history and I felt sorry for her not being able to have the life she wanted.

I was going to tell her I loved Edward, that loving him would always be enough for me, that I would never want anything more than I wanted to be with him, instead what came out was something different. "If you hadn't been this, you'd never have loved him. There would be no porch or grandchildren, not because you would have died on that street without Carlisle but because Em wasn't born yet. Being what you are, gave you him."

She made a sound like a sad huff of air, "The consolation prize."

"If that's all Emmett is to you, then you don't deserve him. Alice would choose to be what she is for Jasper, just like I'm choosing it for Edward. Love is worth the sacrifices, my family, my friends even my humanity. I'd do anything to be with him." I worried I had over stepped but her expression wasn't angry as she turned to me, instead she had an almost sad smile.

"Maybe I don't but then Edward doesn't deserve you, doesn't love you the same, does he?"

"Edward doesn't want to live without me either."

"He doesn't want you to be one of us though does he?" She responded softly. "I changed Emmett, it was selfish. Jasper wouldn't have thought twice about turning Alice. None of them have thought twice about turning you except him."

I nodded feeling oddly numb. "Do you think you can forgive me for this choice?"

Rosalie shrugged, "I don't approve but it is your choice, even if you are choosing wrong. The question is, will Edward?"

"Did you forgive yourself for changing Emmett?"

"No and I haven't forgiven Carlisle for either of us, even if I did ask him with Emmett. I love him, I love this family but I can't forgive that."

We stood in silence looking out over the stars for a little while until Carlisle stepped out onto the porch.

"The others have gone hunting." He nodded at them both, "Rosalie." He spoke to her in a quick blur of vampire speed and she nodded.

"I wish you'd reconsider but since you wont, I'll try to get over it being your choice." She told me before disappearing into the night.

Carlisle sighed, "Would you like to talk about that?"

"Rosalie?"

"What she said."

"You heard?" He nodded. "Edward?"

"They left while she was telling her story. No doubt he'd have stopped her had he heard her go on."

Bella nodded and turned back to the stars, "Did you know?"

"Yes." Carlisle moved to stand near me, "I know Rosalie loves this family. There is nothing more important to her than all of us and she does love Emmett, very much."

"Do you blame yourself?"

"I thought I was helping her. I was wrong. I'm sorry for how she's suffered. I questioned changing another a very long time before Edward and I questioned the choice to change all of them for a very long time. It is because of Rosalie I have never changed another. Emmett was an exception I felt I owed to her and he is the one who has embraced this life fully, from the moment he woke up he didn't just make the most of what he'd become, he was happy as I believe you will be."

"Wasn't Esme happy?" I knew what Edward thought of himself but I wondered if he blamed Carlisle for turning him into the soulless monster he thought he was.

"No." He sighed. "Esme was very broken for a long time. I think, much like Rosalie, she hasn't quite forgiven me for stealing her death from her."

"She has you." I hadn't meant for it to be said aloud but the whisper still escaped.

"A small consolation. She has made the most of this life and loves our family and for lack of better word, her children."

"You aren't a consolation Carlisle, you're, you're," I turned to face him, not even sure what I was trying to say as I met his topaz eyes, "You deserve everything. So does Emmett. I can't believe Esme and Rosalie don't see that. How can they not, be so, grateful, everyday, every minute they have with you?"

He gave me a soft, almost sad smile, and I felt one of his cool fingers trace down my cheek, "Thank you."

We stood like that, looking in each others eyes a moment before turning back to the porch rail and looking up at the stars.

After a long while, the words in my head came out in a whisper, no matter how much I didn't want them to, "Do you think Edward would really have let me age, or get sick, would he ever have wanted me forever, if we hadn't forced it on him?"

"He loves you."

"Rosalie loves Emmett and Esme loves you, it doesn't answer the question though, does it?"

"No." He whispered back, "I suppose it doesn't."

Silence fell again and this time it lasted until Edward returned Emmett.

"Carlisle?" He questioned, no doubt his concern coming from whatever thoughts ran through the older man's head.

Carlisle shook his head, "Goodnight Isabella." He said to me before disappearing into the house.

"Later Bells." Emmett sent me a smile, though it wasn't as full as his usual grin.

"Everything ok?" Edward asked me as he led me to his Volvo.

"Of course."

"Is it Rosalie's story? I know its very upsetting. She should have spared you some of the details."

"Why?" I questioned with a frown, "I hardly need to be protected from the reality of the world being a harsh place."

Edward just sighed and opened the passenger door for me, "Is your hand hurting?" He changed the subject.

"My hand is fine." It felt like a long time since I had hit Jacob when in reality it had only been a few hours before.

The car was silent as he drove and I looked out the window contemplating the things I'd learned tonight.

Over the days that passed, I felt, melancholy, for lack of a better description. I couldn't get my conversation with Rosalie out of my head, or the one with Carlisle for that matter.

I didn't realize the thoughts might be affecting my decisions until Alice showed up at my house, she was sitting at my desk chair in my room looking sad.

"Alice?"

"I don't remember who I was before this." She told me meeting my eyes.

I frowned at her, "Alice?"

"I know, or I think I know, nothing could make me choose anything but Jasper. He'd choose me too."

"I know."

"We'd choose you, for our sister, both of us." Jasper's voice startled me as he came in the window. "Darlin." He nodded at Alice. "Did you think them emotions wouldn't concern me enough to follow you?"

She smiled at him, "I love you."

They seemed to share a moment, something so beautiful passing between them before they both turned back to me.

I was blushing as much from the moment I'd witnessed as Jasper's words.

"He's right Bella, we both choose you, so does Emmett."

I nodded, "The others choose me because Edward chose death without me." It was part statement and part question.

"You know why Rose said no." Alice gave me a sad smile, "It's nothing to do with you at all really and I think Esme would have said no as well, if not for Edward."

"Carlisle?"

"If you didn't want it, he wouldn't change you, regardless of Edward." Jasper spoke up again. "He hates going against Edward but chooses that because he refuses to live without you. Carlisle will protect us from anything in his power to."

"You do want it though." Alice smiled at me.

"He wouldn't agree if Edward hadn't gone to Volterra."

"Not against Rosalie, Esme and Edward." Jasper agreed with a nod.

"We tried." Alice sighed with a sad look to Jasper.

I swallowed and locked my lips, "I guess there's no point dissecting what would or could have been different."

"Isn't there?" Alice questioned me with a tilted head.

"No." I tried to make my voice sound firm. "Edward went to Volterra and I have to be changed." I looked from one to the other before focusing on Jasper, "What?"

He gave me a sad half smile, "I'm sorry for how well you'll fit in with the family." He told me with a nod.

"Jasper?"

"I should go hunt. Ali?"

"I'm alright, you go." She smiled at him and he nodded before disappearing out the window.

"Alice?"

Her eyes were brimming with venom as she looked at me, "He can feel everything Bella."

"I know."

"Even the things you don't want to know you feel."

"What?"

"Esme and Rosalie, they'll never be completely happy. Under the surface, under everything, there's always sadness and some anger. Esme even more than Rose."

"Why?"

"She loves Carlisle and all of us, but under it all, she also hates him. So does Rosalie, but she's with Emmett and between them there is just regret, with Esme there's also a bitterness between her and Carlisle, I think that its more than she can't forgive him, I think part of her also hates that she loves Carlisle."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Under all that love, buried in your fear of losing us all again, you hate Edward for leaving, you're angry and hurt and buried in with that is a bitterness that even still Edward doesn't want to change you."

"Maybe." I sighed with a nod, tears in my eyes to mirror the venom in hers.

"You're going to be a vampire. I've seen it. What I see keeps changing though."

"How?"

"Sometimes you're with Edward and its like you are forcing yourself to believe how happy you are."

"Other times?" I forced myself to ask.

"Other times you're with the family and not _with_ Edward."

"Which is worse?" I hold my breath as I wait for her answer. It didn't hit me until later that I didn't seem to consider either possibility to be good.

"I don't know." She admits sadly. "If I could, I'd push you towards the other future."

"What future?"

"The one I can't really see." She admits. "Sometimes its with us but blurry only I can hear you laughing and happy. Sometimes I can't see anything but you smiling and greeting me like we hadn't seen each other in a while. I don't know anything else about either one."

"I'm happy in them?"

"Yes."

"You think I'm happy without Edward?"

"I think you love him, I _know_ you love him. Jasper can feel that under current in you, so deep that it doesn't reach your surface at all but steadily, if glacially slow, it's growing. The bitterness, the pain, the anger and one day it will be hate so maybe in your mind you'll be revisiting that porch with Rosalie and wishing you'd understood then. Maybe you wont have chosen Edward over all the things you'll have had to give up, to watch mourn you the people you know who have grown old and died. Maybe you'll hate us all for not voting no with Rosalie."

"I'd never hate you Alice."

She shook her head, "You'd never want to. Esme doesn't want to hate Carlisle but she does, same with Rosalie. No matter how much they love him, they can't forgive him."

"Alice…"

"I wish I knew what to say." She smiled sadly at me. "The only part of your future, not changing, is that you will change. As much as I wish I could get a clearer vision I'd advise _not_ making any other decisions about your future. Let time guide you. You'll have forever to figure it all out."

I nodded at her as a tear fell. Alice smiled grimly again and disappeared out the window. I moved to the rocking chair and reverted to my melancholy while I thought. I knew she was right and I didn't need to make any decisions, not concrete ones but I couldn't ignore any of the questions and fears I had.

Graduation brought with it many changes and not the ones I had been expecting. My conversation with Rosalie had brought forth a lot of things, truths none of us wanted to face.

It was the night before graduation that things came to a head. Carlisle called a family meeting, to which I was invited, it made me feel so good to be part of their family, a real part of them all, at least it did until the meeting left everything crumbled at my feet.

"I've called you all here…"

"No!" Edward hissed, interrupting him.

"Edward?" I questioned, partly admonishing him for the interruption.

"Carlisle." He growled.

Carlisle lifted a hand to quiet him, "It's done." He told him, his voice hard. Edward just glared at him while Carlisle turned back to the rest of us, "Esme and I have been talking a lot and I've, well we've decided its best for us if we parted ways."

"What?" I wasn't the only one with a shocked response but while mine was a shocked whisper, the others were mostly louder in their reactions.

Carlisle quieted us, "We are all still a family, Esme and I being divorced will not change that. We've all lived apart at times, this while being more permanent, does not mean we don't love each other or all of you, we are still a family, we just aren't a complete coven anymore."

"You can't abandon her." Emmett hissed.

"I'm not." Carlisle met his eyes, "I'm setting her free."

"Carlisle." Esme's hesitant voice was quiet and unsure.

"Esme." His was as sure and final as it had been while speaking to us and it was clear they had talked a lot about all of this as she gave him a sad smile and nodded.

"I'm going to live in Denali for a little while." She told us, "Her eyes not leaving his.

"I'm coming with you." Rosalie told her.

"Not that we are turning our backs on you Carlisle but Rosie is right, Esme needs us."

"I'm quite alright Emmett." Esme turned to him with a maternal smile, "I think time apart from every one is actually just what I need."

Emmett nodded, "Rosie and I can stay close in case then."

"No Emmett." Rosalie whispered turning to meet his eyes, "I'm going with her." He shook his head with a frown. Her eyes filled with venom as she whispered, "I'm leaving you."

Nothing was said for a long time. "I'm sorry." She finally spoke again. "I love you." She licked her lips, "I just can't love you the way you deserve."

"You do Rosie." He contradicted.

Her head was shaking before the words were out of his mouth, "I don't, I wouldn't choose this for you, changing you was selfish because I would have hated you for doing that to me."

"I don't."

"I know. I'm glad." She smiled at him but it fell as more venom coated her eyes, "It's not about you Em, you have always been so much to me, you made this life better for me." She shook her head, "You just haven't made me want this life. I love you but not enough to want to choose this life. You should be with someone who wants nothing but you. You deserve that."

"Rose…"

"I deserve that to, not just to be with someone who loves me like that but to love someone like that."

The room fell quiet as they looked deep into each others eyes for a moment before Emmett got up, his chair slamming back as he disappeared from the room.

"We should go." Esme spoke up softly after a moment of silence.

Rosalie nodded.

"Wait." I stopped them as Esme stood.

"Bella." She smiled at me and I looked up into her gold eyes.

I shook my head stopping what she'd say next as I turned to Edward. I could feel the hole in my chest opening as I met his eyes, "I think you should go with them." I forced out, nearly choking on the words.

"Bella?" He questioned frowning at me, his eyes going from mine to my forehead as though he were tryng to bore a hole into my mind and see what was going on there.

"I love you." I caught his attention, calling his eyes back to mine, as I sobbed out the words. "I made the choice, for you," I swallowed the lump in my throat, "And this family." I sniffled forcing myself to go on, "You'd never choose it for me though."

"Bella."

"I deserve someone who wants me forever."

"I love you. I want you forever. You know I wont be parted from you Bella. I just don't want you to lose your soul for me."

I licked my lips and finally admitted, to him and to myself, "I hate you for leaving." I sniffled and wiped at the tears, "I hate you for making me so afraid of losing you that I feel like I'll die without you. I hate that I love you and I…" even as the truth came to me I could feel my heart breaking into a million shards, "I wish that I didn't love you, that I could make myself love Jacob, or love anyone but you. I wont though, not as long as I have you with me. Please set me free. Let me heal. Let me not love you." I took a pain filled breath, "Go with Esme."

He gave a curt nod, his eyes dark and swirling with pain. None of them said anything else as the three of them left the room. The last to leave Rosalie turned back to me with the barest of smiles and a nod before disappearing.

"You two?" Carlisle turned to Alice and Jasper.

Alice shook her head as she took Jasper's hand. I saw him squeeze it before speaking softly, "I think it may be best if we gave you some space to heal."

"Jasper's going to call Peter, we'll meet them in New Orleans." She turned to me with a smile, "We'll talk every day."

I nodded to her as fresh tears fell, "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too." She told me with venom coated eyes.

"If you need help." He was speaking to Carlisle but nodded at me.

"I have done this before." He reminded Jasper.

"You'll still change me?" I asked him, a little surprised.

Carlisle nodded but it was Jasper to speak, "We voted," he gave a weak smile, "Besides, it's been decreed by the Volturi."

"They'll be coming to check." Alice informed us, "Soon."

"How soon?" I felt my heart quicken with fear.

"They're coming about Victoria."

"Victoria." I'd forgotten about her and the new born army.

"I called them about it." Jasper admitted.

"Why?"

"You already made your decision and whatever Edward thinks, he and this family aren't equipped to deal with this alone, they aren't trained." Jasper's voice was uncompromising and commanding. It made me see him in a new light. He sighed as he met my eyes. "I have some experience in the matter." He told me before launching into his history. At its close I got up from the table and hugged him.

It took me a moment to remember myself and I stepped back blushing, "I'm sorry Jasper, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Jasper grinned at me and chuckled before hugging me and kissing my temple, "It's ok." He gave me a rueful smile, "I will be really glad when next time we meet I wont want to kill you."

I chuckled and nodded, "Me too."

Alice hugged me next and whispered in my ear though everyone would hear as clearly as she'd spoken louder. "You're going to be so beautiful. Take care of them, let them take care of you."

"I will." I whispered back.

"We'll be together again." She promised. "All of us." I nodded, relieved, I'd never bet against the pixie.

They said more in vampire speed to Carlisle and Emmett before hugging them both and disappearing.

"I should take you home." Carlisle offered.

"I'll do it." Emmett stood up and I nodded.

He helped me into his monster jeep and buckled me in.

It was silent as he drove and when he parked in front of my house, we continued to sit there. "I'm sorry Emmett." I whispered, still looking out the window.

"I tried to make her happy."

"I know."

"I don't know who I am if I'm not the man who loves her."

I turned to him with a sad smile, "You're still you Bear. I'm still me." My voice cracked but I continued, "We're all still us and we'll all heal, even if it takes forever."

He nodded and squeezed my hand before disappearing out the truck, my door opening about the same moment I registered he wasn't in the drivers seat. He unbuckled me and lifted me out of the truck, carefully setting me on the ground.

"Night Tinkerbella." He gave me a grim smile.

"Night Bear." I whispered back as a breeze signified his movement back to the drivers side of the jeep.

Inside I crept past the sleeping Charlie in his recliner and trudged up to bed where I could cry myself to sleep. I lay on my bed as thoughts repeated themselves in my mind as I sobbed.

I asked Edward to leave.

Carlisle is divorcing Esme.

Rosalie left Emmett.

I asked Edward to leave.

The Volturi were coming to check if I still had a heartbeat.

Alice and Jasper left.

Esme, Rosalie and Edward were gone.

Carlisle is divorcing Esme.

Rosalie left Emmett.

I asked Edward to leave.

I told Edward to leave me.

It was over. I was going to be a vampire. I wasn't getting my happily ever after. Not with Edward and not with his perfect family.

There was no more perfect family.

Carlisle was divorcing Esme.

Rosalie left Emmett.

I asked Edward to leave.

At breakfast dad asked if I'd be going to the school with the Cullen's since we had to be there early.

I explained to him that they'd left. That I'd broken up with Edward. I wasn't sure what the explanation would be about the others so I just told him Esme took him away early because he was so upset.

Charlie was shocked and did his best to hide how happy he was.

Jacob didn't hide it at all.

"I didn't do it for you Jacob."

"You still left him." Jake grinned. "You'll stay you and in time, you'll see, I'm perfect for you."

"I don't love you like that Jake." I sighed, "I do love you but not like that and anyways, I'm still going to be changed."

That was not the right thing to say as he began to shake, "Why?" He demanded.

"I told you, I have to, the Volturi wont just kill me if they come here and see I still have a heart beat."

"We can protect you."

"Maybe against a nomad or two Jake but not against all their army, their gifts."

"Bella."

"No." I shook my head, adamant.

"If one of them bites you, they break the treaty, bites not kills." He spat.

"Jacob." I sighed.

He took off into the woods.

Concerned about his words I headed to see Sam as soon as my dad and I got home from our celebratory dinner. He was happy to go watch game and smiled to himself when I asked to go to the reservation, not having seen the argument I was sure he thought I was going to see Jake, I didn't correct him.

I talked with Sam a long time and in the end we also sat down with the elders, with Sam on my side they agreed though Billy was not happy about it and Old Quil seemed to hate me instantly as he banned me from the reservation from that point on, I'd have to abide by the treaty now to, to them I was as good as a vampire now. All I cared about was that the Cullen's were safe. Since it was my choice, they could change me, treaty in tact.

I said goodbye to the pack, hugging Seth extra tight and rolling my eyes at the glares I got from Paul and Leah. They all, well all but Paul and Leah, wished me well as I did them. Jacob wasn't there. He'd phased and taken off. I hoped he was ok.

"Tell him," I sighed, "Tell him I'm sorry and I love him, and goodbye." I asked Quil and Embry. It was Sam who nodded though.

That night I packed all of my things and in the morning I said goodbye to Charlie. I cried as I hugged him.

"Have a good summer." He said gruffly. "Call me and check in."

"I will dad."

"I'll see you in the fall then, you'll stop back on your way up to Alaska?"

"I will." I nodded knowing it was a lie. For him, I'd be dead then. I hugged him again and got in my truck to drive to the Cullen's. I'd told everyone Alice and I were taking a road trip for the summer before starting at Alaska State together.

In light of the divorce Carlisle was moving, it was rumored Esme had left him and he was devastated and moving away to a big city to be busy and forget after all it had been Esme who hated the city. The kids were all gone off to college so no one questioned them all leaving town. No one would link them to anything funny when I died in a freak accident. Alice would come back from the funeral, devastated that when we'd gone separate ways for a few days, I'd died. After the funeral she'd leave to be with family and grieve until college.

It was all planned and outlined by Alice, her vision saying everything would go without problems. I parked my truck in the drive and climbed out. Carlisle hugged me and I burst into tears.


	2. Chapter 2

Carlisle and Emmett had already packed up their things, mine were transferred from my old truck into the brand new black SUV. I curled up in the back and slept. Exhausted from my tears. Alice had everything planned of course. Carlisle, Emmett and I drove south, we stopped in California where I had a stranger take a photo of me on the beach, I sent it to my parents as a photo, 'Alice' had taken of me. We made few stops though and quickly we were driving through the Mexican border. Finally came the point where, Alice was supposed to have left me so she could shop and I could tour historical sights. The accident was a flaming mess, it wasn't investigated beyond a brief preliminary. I knew Alice was already on her way back to Forks, mourning my death and pretending to blame herself.

Carlisle, Emmett and I continued South out of Mexico, through Panama and down to the jungle. We'd used fake id's since my 'death' so no one could track us even if anyone were to suspect.

Carlisle bit me as soon as we hit the jungle.

He apologized, meeting my eyes, his haunted and mine nervous.

His teeth were so sharp I barely felt them. I felt the fire though. It was worse than when James bit me. The multiple wounds Carlisle created seemed to make the burn hotter and quicker. I screamed wanting to beg him to make it stop but I bit my tongue and held it all in as in my minds eye I saw the pain and regret, the near self loathing, and the love in his eyes as he bit me.

The burning lasted a very long time, intellectually I knew it was three days, it felt like years. I tried to hold on to my memories but the burning seemed to push everything out but pain.

When my heart gave its finally heavy thump it extinguished the fire that had all moved into the one spot.

I lay there for a moment, taking in the taste of the air as I breathed. The sound of the rain was amazing as I could hear each distinct sound of all the drops hitting a different surface. Finally I opened my eyes. I could see every vein in the wide leaves that made up the roof and the light that filtered through, there had to be thirty shades of green on it. I was sitting before the idea to had fully completed in my mind. There in the corner of the room was Carlisle.

I sucked in a breath as I examined him. How could I never have seen how beautiful he was? I had stopped breathing as I stared, examining him carefully. Carlisle didn't move as my eyes took in everything about him. I licked my lips and felt my chest start to move with renewed breaths, more like quiet short huffs of air. My nipples had become hard little peaks and something was coiling, hot and needy inside of my gut.

"Bella." He breathed quietly. "It's ok. I know this is confusing and you're uncomfortable. If you let me help, I'll take you out so you can ease the thirst."

"Carlisle?" I heard Emmett's questioning voice from somewhere outside and above.

"Stay there." Carlisle told him back, his eyes not leaving mine. "That's Emmett. He wont hurt you."

I frowned at him, "Of course not."

Carlisle smiled at me, "Didn't expect I'd see red again until you ate."

"Carlisle?"

"Your eyes went black. Are you comfortable with me moving?"

I frowned deeper at him, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Carlisle just smiled at me and stepped closer, his eyes on mine the entire time. I watched him as carefully, wanting to laugh at his caution.

"I won't bite." I teased.

Emmett's booming laugh reached me from outside.

"Shall we hunt?" Carlisle asked me with a smile of his own.

At the suggestion I noticed the tight, dry ache in my throat, it was like having strep throat again. My hand went automatically to my neck to rub gently.

I nodded, "Please."

I followed Carlisle as we left the hut and ran through the jungle. I listened to his advise and took down two jungle cats, panthers. My clothes were torn and bloody but I had never felt so elated.

My mind seemed to buzz with everything it wanted to notice and analyze. It was disconcerting and difficult to pay attention to anything for an entire minute. Unless I was watching Carlisle or Emmett, once Carlisle was sure I wasn't going to feel threatened and told him he could join us.

Seeing Emmett was… eye opening. I sure as hell didn't think anything close to brother when I saw him.

"Stop." Carlisle told him. "Bella, it's alright." He told me softly, lifting his hands.

I nodded, my eyes not leaving Emmett as I examined him.

I felt a noise rumble in my chest and Emmett laughed. "Going to attack me Tinkerbella?" He smirked at me and the noise in my chest grew louder.

"Emmett." Carlisle cautioned.

Emmett laughed, "I might know shit about new borns Carlisle but that is not an angry sound. Come on little girl." He urged me. Then he winked and took off running. Instinct took over as I chased him, I was quickly gaining on him when he turned catching me up and slamming me back into the ground, his body covering mine.

"Emmett!" Carlisle called, worry in his voice. I registered it all but only as back ground noise. Every fiber of my being was focused on Emmett.

My legs wrapped around his hips as my body arched up into his.

"Purr for me." He whispered his breath tickling the whirls of my ear.

The rumble in my chest grew again as my hands stroked down his back. His eyes had gone from the brightest gold to deep amber when he ran, now they were black as I rubbed against him.

Emmett rolled so I was straddling him and lifted his arms above his head, while he grinned at me. Instinct had taken over as I tore his shirt from his body and began to explore him with the tips of my fingers.

Movement to my left caught my attention. Carlisle was watching us with fascination. He looked as perfect and unruffled after hunting as he'd looked when I first woke up. Gone was the preppy doctor and in his place was the twenty three year old man. He was wearing a black tee shirt and black cargo pants, the same as Emmett.

My breathing had become those shallow almost silent pants again as I licked my lips. I felt movement under me and my eyes shot to Emmett a low growl erupting from my throat, he just grinned at me.

"Bella." Carlisle spoke gently but the growl had shocked me enough to return conscious thought and I jumped up from Emmett and ran. In all my human life I had never known the true meaning of embarrassed until I'd jumped Emmett.

"Bell!" I heard Emmett shout as he chased me. I let him catch up, slowing as I reached a river, I picked a boulder and jumped on it before sitting corss-legged and looking out over the water.

"I'm sorry." I told him as he sat next to me.

"Why?"

"I… I… you…"

"Bella, if your instinct is to fuck me and not bite me, I'm pretty pleased about that." He chuckled and shot me a grin and wink before continuing in a more serious tone. "My size intimidates much older vampires and their instincts are often fight or flight, the younger they are the more prone to fight. That's why Carlisle had me waiting a little ways away in a tree." I felt embarrassment flood me but no warmth in my cheeks, I lifted a hand to feel my skin. "No blush." He whispered.

"I still feel like me." I confided in a whisper, "Mostly."

We sat in silence for a little but until Carlisle joined us, a crackling sort of static came from an odd black thing in his hand, "Jasper would like to speak with you." He held out the funny looking phone and I could hear Jasper's voice clear above the static.

I took it and held it to my ear, "Jasper?" I could hear Alice giggling in the background.

"Carlisle says your eyes went black when you were faced with him but didn't seem aggressive. Judging by your reaction to Emmett, I wanted to assure you it was perfectly normal. It's not common but I've been faced with it a few times."

"What?"

"New borns instincts run high, your mind is capable of grasping multiple thought porocesses at once but conscious thought is difficult to hold on to. Animal lusts consume you, Carlisle was only faced with the main one with a touch of the second, this is the third."

"Jazz?" I questioned frowning.

"Feeding, fighting and fucking." He chuckled into the phone.

I heard movement and increased static as Alice's giggles became louder, "Why do you really think I took off with Jazz?" She laughed. "Have fun with the boys! See you in a few months. Oh and Bella, you're stunning."

The connection died and I handed the phone back to Carlisle with a frown. He looked uncomfortable as he met my eyes, "Am I a succubus or something?" I asked him embarrassed.

Carlisle gave a nod, and then whispered, "Yes."

"How you were with up tight Ed, I wont ever understand." Emmett laughed.

"This from the guy married to an ice queen." I hissed at him. His smile fell as he nodded but I ignored whatever he'd say next as I jumped up and ran from them.

When I was able to calm down I felt terrible for what I'd said to him. Rosalie had left him and I knew he was hurting from that.

I swung around into a circle and met up with Carlisle near the hut.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle questioned concerned.

I gave a curt nod, "I'm sorry about what I said to Emmett."

"He knows and he's sorry as well. He doesn't have the excuse of being a new born either so he feels pretty low."

"Being a new born doesn't excuse being insensitive."

"It excuses your immediate and thoughtless actions. You run on instincts right now Bella. Everything you say and do will be based around that, sometimes you'll do or say things you wouldn't consciously allow yourself to at another time." He sighed, "I've never been faced with this, or I might have considered it when your eyes went black but there was no aggression to me when you woke. Believe it or not I do know a thing or two about it though. Tanya, Irina and Kate are all succubi. Alice has already called Kate to come down and help you adjust."

We walked slowly back to the hut. Darkness had fallen and with it my attention was diverted to all of the things I could see so clearly in the dark and to the sounds and smells of the jungle.

At the hut Emmett sent me a small smile, "I'm sorry."

"Me too." I smiled tentatively back at him and then frowned, "Did you know about the succubi thing?"

"No," He shook his head with a chuckle, "I know about the instinct to fuck though."

I knew if I'd been human I'd be tomato red. Emmett sighed, "I know Rose told you her story and you can imagine how… traumatized she was. Being with me… her instincts took over." He let out a smirk and winked, "We had a lot of fun with those instincts." I averted my eyes as if I really were blushing the way I felt I should be. Emmett chuckled but his voice was low and serious, "Ice queen was a very accurate description, Rose herself didn't feel comfortable with affection from me, everything was on her terms, I took my cues on when I could touch her and sex wasn't about love, it was about instinct. That's how I could recognize it in you."

"Emmett… I…"

"She loved me, I know that and as much as I loved her I wasn't blind to her faults Bell. I shouldn't have said what I did, sometimes I don't think about what I say before it comes out. Carlisle is right, you have an excuse for it and I don't but I know you'll still feel guilty and I don't want you too. You can say anything to me Bell. I might not like what you have to say but I still want you to say it and facts are facts, Rosalie was very different from me, often I thought about her and Edward, they're more alike than she would ever admit. I know she resented Carlisle changing her in the hopes they'd become companions, like she'd been changed as a gift, a possession for him. Sometimes I wonder if that resentment was the only thing that kept them from being together. I guess I didn't understand the two of you because I have never really understood the two of us."

I'd never heard Emmett talk about anything serious before, no, I'd heard him talk about serious things, keeping me safe from James and then Victoria, I'd just never heard him be so serious before.

We sat side by side as the rain picked up again, "I never understood Edward and I, either." I admitted with a sigh

"Doesn't make it so we didn't love them."

"No." I agreed.

We sat in companionable silence for a while, listening to the night.

Finally Emmett spoke up, "You do know you're almost naked right?"

"Eep!" I squeaked realzing he was right, my shorts and tank were in tatters. I jumped up and ran for the hut.

Carlisle was chuckling and shaking his head inside as Emmett's booming laugh followed me.

Carlisle handed me clothing, "They'll rip easily in your hands so pretend each article is tissue paper while you change." He moved to go outside while I pulled on the clothing. Fitted cargo pants and a wife beater, I didn't need a bra as my breasts were perfectly perky, the panties were feminine and lace and even though they were boy shorts I knew Alice had picked them.

When I was dressed I went outside to join them, "Is there a reason we're all dressed like commandos?" I asked making Emmett laugh.

"It's good jungle hiking gear is all." Carlisle smiled at me. "If we get near people, we have documents that say we are in the jungle doing research."

"Is it safe for me to be any where near people?"

"Safer than if you were an ordinary new born but no, it wont be safe for a while."

"Am I strange?"

Carlisle chuckled, "You're a succubis, it's a little bit different, not much but a little, also Alice told me on the phone that when you woke up she saw you'd have more control than any new born she'd heard of."

"Besides Carlisle." Emmett added.

Carlisle nodded but didn't comment.

"Well that's good then." I sighed with relief, "I don't want to accidentally kill anyone."

"You wont."

"What now?" I asked dropping to sit beside them.

"Let's play!" Emmett jumped up with a grin.

"Play?"

"He means fight." Carlisle grinned getting up as well. He looked so young and relaxed, more at ease than I had ever seen him.

"Is it hard for you, always being in control, always being so perfect?" I asked him before my brain could filter my mouth.

Carlisle's grin became a gentle smile as he met my eyes and nodded slowly, "Sometimes." He sighed, "Not hard, just… tiring… sometimes." His lip quirked up a little more on the left, "I only really notice it when it's gone."

"Come on!" Emmett bounced.

Carlisle grinned, "Now if you weren't a new born he'd have tackled me already." He winked at me and spun tackling Emmett, crashing into him with a thunderous boom.

I watched them wrestle and then joined in. Emmett was stronger but Carlisle was faster, both of them turned on me and as we fought my thoughts faded away.

Inside I was a confused mass of aggression and desire and when I took Carlisle down I found myself straddling him and his shirt ripped from his body. Emmett lifted me and tossed me into a tree. I spun on him in rage but his body was over mine in the next instant, his growl a low rumble that sent shivers through me and turned the anger into pure need changing my attack from kill to take. He pinned me to the ground as my legs wrapped around him and I rocked into his body.

He let out a loud groan and his eyes went pitch black as our bodies aligned and I began rocking into the large erection. He kissed me and I clawed at him, tearing off his shirt and trying to roll us over. Emmett cursed as he pulled away with a curse and buried his head in my neck as I rocked against him, "Please." I hissed needing more.

He just lay there and after a minute I heard him humming gently. Slowly the anger and lust receded and I felt myself calm, just a little. Emmett rolled so I was straddling him, like the last time he pinned me. He was grinning up at me as he sang a few lines of some country song and I felt the lust become a low burn instead of all consuming as the scent of blood filtered through my senses.

I was up in an instant and on the struggling and bleeding animal as soon as Carlisle released it.

Thirst slacked I turned back to the two men, embarrassed.

Emmett laughed and winked, "This is going to be a really fun year."

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head, "It will certainly be interesting, if very difficult."

"Am I difficult?" I frowned in question.

"Not succumbing to their own instincts is." A female voice floated to us from down wind. I turned, growling and hissing.

"My name is Kate." Her voice sounded very far away. "I'm about a mile and a half from you and moving up wind. Please don't attack me. I will shock you and that's not how I'd like to start out our friendship. Alice tells me we are going to be good friends."

"Never bet against Alice." I responded in a low voice with a smile.

"Can I move closer now?"

"Yes." Carlisle called out in a much louder voice so that it would reach her.

The wind carried her scent to me a minute later from the opposite direction her voice had been, "Can I come closer Bella?"

I nodded and Carlisle called out again, "Eyes are still bright red, I think you're good."

The scent grew stronger as I began to hear her movement. After a few minutes she appeared at the edge of our little clearing and stopped.

She sent me a wide smile, "I'm Kate."

"Bella." I responded, watching her warily.

"It's good to see burgundy and not obsidian like I expected." She told me gently, "Alice said you were special." I frowned at her and she chuckled moving slowly closer. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." I answered, my eyes tracking her every movement.

She nodded to Carlisle and Emmett, "If you two would give us a little space to chat, girl stuff you know."

Both men nodded and turned to me to see if I was ok with it. I nodded and the two disappeared.

We stood in silence a moment and I guessed she was waiting until they'd be out of ear shot.

"How are you really doing?" She asked moving closer with a warm smile.

I shrugged, "Confused and embarrassed. They were like my father and brother when I was human and now…"

"Now all you want is to rip their clothes off and ride them or better, have them pin and ravage you."

I averted my eyes as the accuracy of her words made me shift with discomfort.

"It's ok." She offered gently, "It's not like you actually are related to them. Hell, I've been to bed with my 'father' more than once." She chuckled using air quotes around the word father. I frowned at her in question. "My coven leader, Eleazar. His mate Carmen only came along a few centuries ago, before that, well let's just say living with succubi had its perks for him."

"Did he change you?"

"No. Tanya, Irina and I were changed by a woman, our mother, Sasha. She died many centuries ago. Eleazar was a great comfort to us when we met him and when he joined our family he became our coven leader, now he is like a father figure to us, though my sisters and I are older."

I nodded and shifted, "I can't seem to control myself." I whispered.

"How are you feeling now?"

"A little more rational but… distracted, like there are to many thoughts in my head, little trails that keep distracting me from this moment and yet, I'm still processing and following everything in this conversation too. It's… confusing."

"That is part of being a new born, you will adjust to the size of your mind and those little trails will become background, allowing you to focus more easily and for longer on one thing." She explained. "Let's walk, the trails will become back ground, more like white noise."

"You'd think more stimuli would be more distracting." I mused as we began walking through the jungle.

"Trying to hold your attention to one thing, demanding your focus will make the other things harder to ignore. Like you said, you can process our conversation even with the thought trails and as more and more are stimulated others will turn to back ground and the main focus will be our discussion." She explained. In an odd way it made sense.

"I was prepared, well as much as possible for the blood lust thing, but this lust thing… its…" I sighed.

"As strong as the blood lust, perhaps stronger at times." I nodded in agreement. "It makes it easier to adjust to being around humans as well."

"It does?"

"You think as much about screwing them as slaughtering them. In the old days it was both for my sisters and I but when we became vegetarians we found the desire for sex distracted us from the desire for blood. Not giving in to either desire was difficult but we learned with time."

"Are you always…" I wasn't sure of a polite way to say horny.

"Yes and no." She chuckled, "Our sex drive is much more developed that normal, which says a lot for a vampire because they are already affected by the three f's more than humans."

"Feeding, fighting and fucking." I repeated Jasper.

Kate laughed, "Most vampires it's in that order or feeding, fucking and fighting. For us its more like fucking, feeding and fighting. Only rarely does the instinct to feed overwhelm even our desire, which is why its slightly easier for us to adjust to being around people. At least until the first is sated, not feeding off the men my sisters and I were with was a bit difficult at first, especially since we'd been doing it a long time."

"So I'll always want to… with any male?"

"No, many yes but there will be some who you have no desire for and it wont be as all consuming as it feels now."

"I can't be a succubi." I moaned, "I'm a virgin."

She chuckled, "Best to lay some ground rules while your conscious mind is in control then."

"Ground rules?"

"How will you feel if you have sex with Emmett or Carlisle?"

"Um…" I looked away, my body growing hot at the thought even as my mind rejected the idea as wrong. I shook my head, "That's not… um… they wouldn't."

"They would and want to but both are and will continue to fight their instincts if you want them to."

"I… um…" I frowned trying to move past the desire the thoughts instilled to think rationally.

"I know it's hard to focus on more than the need right now, I know you want them but how do you feel about it emotionally?"

"I don't know." I groaned.

She sighed, "This would be easier with Jasper."

"So why doesn't he come? I know I can't seem to control myself with Emmett and if Carlisle had any less control I'd be…" I looked away with the urge to blush, "I'd never do that to Alice."

"Intentionally no."

I licked my lips, "Did she see me attack Jasper?"

"She saw Jasper attack you."

"What!" I screeched, all thought trails fading as all my focus narrowed to her. "No way!"

She chuckled, "He feels every emotion Bella, all three lusts are intensified the most, between yours, Emmett's, Carlisle's and his own, well he is just a man."

"So Alice had a vision of Jasper making out with me?"

"I'd say the vision went a great deal further than kissing."

"No." I shook my head in denial.

She chuckled, "He is very good in bed."

"What?" I screeched, halting again.

"Alice shared him once." She shrugged, "I was going through a female preference at the time though and most of my desires were focused on her or I'd have enjoyed him a bit more."

"Female…"

Kate laughed, "I've been alive much longer than even Carlisle Bella. Without a mate I embraced being a succubus and being brought into this life by a succubus and with two succubus sisters, I was not limited by any notions of restraint in my desires. My natural preference is for men but I've been through various stages over the years."

"You had sex with Alice and Jasper!"

"Yes." She nodded with a laugh and then turned to me, "I assure you it is not jealousy that has her keeping Jasper away so much as a knowledge of how that vision will affect how you feel about them and yourself."

I licked my lips, "My best friend had a vision of me doing it with her husband." I murmured, "Even the idea makes me feel like a terrible person."

"Which is why I need to know how you would feel if Emmett or Carlisle gave in to their instincts."

"You mean to mine."

"No." She shook her head with a laugh, "I assure you, both men want you in a bad way."

"Um." I blushed.

She sighed, "I suppose I should send Emmett away."

"Why?" I frowned at him.

"He doesn't have Carlisle's control and Alice saw… well I know he'd hate himself for giving in if you felt bad about it after."

"Alice saw me… with Emmett?" I frowned in thought. "I… well… I'm sure we can control ourselves…" I remembered the feel of grinding into his erection and averted my eyes, "Maybe."

"I know he'd rather not risk you hating him for taking advantage of your lack of control as a new born."

"I'd never hate him."

"Would you have hated Jasper?"

"No." I frowned, "I'd have hated myself…" I looked away, "Is it terrible that I'd be angry for him betraying Alice too? I know it would be my fault and not his but… well hell he went after my blood when blood lust was pumped into him on my birthday and I know that wasn't his fault but killing me and betraying Alice aren't the same thing!" I defended myself even as I knew in my heart my judgment of him was wrong.

Kate chuckled, "Would you hate yourself for being with Emmett? Or angry with him for wanting it too?"

"No." I insisted.

"I didn't think so." She laughed.

"Then why send him away?"

"Oh, I wont, I'm just trying to figure out how you feel so that we can set the ground rules."

"What ground rules?"

She shook her head, "What about Carlisle?"

"What about him?"

"I know he's famed for his control but trust me, it's not that strong and unlike Emmett he's never really given in to this instinct."

"Carlisle has never given in to any instinct."

"No." She smiled at me, "He has amazing control but wouldn't it be fun to break it, just once."

I smirked, "Very." The agreement came out without conscious thought and instantly I felt embarrassed, "I mean… that's not… I wouldn't… I'd never… I wouldn't go against his morals and seduce him, I mean…"

She chuckled, "His only hesitation is not wanting to take advantage of you, believe me he'd be happy to be taken advantage of right about now. Very happy."

"How do you know?"

"That was the first time I ever saw him jealous."

"Jealous?" I frowned at her. "When?"

"When you've lived as long as I have you get good at reading people. I might not have Jasper's gift but there is definite jealousy between those two over you."

"I…" I shook my head, "No." Then I sighed, "Maybe they should leave. I don't want to cause trouble between them."

"You wont. Emmett's possessive but not exactly jealous."

I frowned at her, "Is there a difference?"

"Yes but that's not important right now, what's important is you accepting who and what you are. You will end up sleeping with one or both of them and I want to be sure that doing so wont set you back from that based on your history with them. If it will then they should leave and I can call a friend to help."

"Help?"

"Like with the blood lust, this is something you need to learn to control and giving yourself into it, completely will actually help with that."

I frowned at her, "Really?"

"I promise."

"So you want me to have sex with one of them?"

She shrugged, "One or both or as I said, I can make a call."

"You want me to have sex with a stranger?"

"Yes." She nodded, "Of that would be less morally difficult to accept for you than sleeping with either of them. The decision is yours."

"How would I pick one, what if I hurt their feelings? What if neither of them wants me."

"I'm a succubus." She chuckled, "I don't have Jasper's gift but I know lust. I feel it and things connected like jealousy. It's part of what we are and in time you'll have that ability to for now you will have to trust me, both of those men are very much in lust with you. Carlisle has some trouble with his morality over it but I think it will be good for him to loose a little of that control." She smirked, "So does Alice and I never bet against her."

I laughed, "Me neither." I frowned, "Wait, she saw me and Carlisle… um…"

Kate shook her head, "She wont see that until you make a decision about sending them away or the ground rules."

"What ground rules."

"If you want them to fight their instincts… and yours, they will continue to try to do so or flee instead of trying to fight your instincts if they have trouble with that control. If you want them to give in, well," she smirked, "screw the ground rules and give in. Like I said, ground rules, you either give permission for them to give in to your desires or to fight them."

"I, um…"

"If you're uncomfortable, like I said, I can ask them to leave and call a friend."

"I can't have sex with a stranger." I insisted shaking my head. "You are going to succumb to this Bella, its your choice whether that is to them or not."

"Um…" I averted my gaze, as awkward as it might end up being after, I couldn't fathom beng intimate with a stranger, "I think we should ask them what they want, I don't want to make them feel like they have to help me with this."

She laughed and shook her head but agreed. "Let's hunt, then we'll rejoin them."

After I fed I watched her take down her meal and then together we ran back to the hut. Emmett and Carlisle were wrestling.


	3. Chapter 3

My nipples instantly became hard nubs brushing against the fabric of my shirt as my breathing became that silent shallow huffing. I noticed a change in the air and Kate chuckled, "They smell you." She told me in a whisper. "Calling them."

I averted my eyes as I felt the need to blush. Carlisle and Emmett continued to fight.

"Give in Bella." She urged quietly.

"Let your instincts take control."

I shook my head and clenched my fists to stop myself from stepping forward.

"They wouldn't still be here if they weren't choosing, hoping, to be with you. Fighting for dominance over each other to draw you."

Her words, a whisper breaking the fragile control I held as we watched them.

The fighting grew more intense as pressure built inside me and I felt my lace panties go from damp to soaking. With a loud growl, Carlisle spun away from Emmett's attack grabbing him by the throat and slamming him into the dirt. He backed away shaking his head as Emmett jumped up with a laugh. He winked at me and ran, disappearing into the woods.

"Chase or pounce." Kate spoke in my ear so low it wasn't even a whisper, then louder, "Give in." Before her lips brushed my neck and then the air stirred as she took off in the opposite direction from Emmett.

Carlisle finally turned to me, his eyes black and his breathing ragged, "Bella…" His words were cut off as I attacked him, all thought gone as my instincts consumed me.

We wrestled for a while, attacking and retreating until he finally pinned me. I didn't want to fight anymore though. I purred as I wrapped myself around him.

"Bella." He panted through gritted teeth.

I moaned rubbing myself against him. Carlisle cursed as I kissed along his throat and his hips jumped forward into mine. I let out a hiss of pleasure, my nails digging into his back. This seemed to snap something in him and his eyes went even darker as his pupils completely dilated.

His kiss was hard and demanding. I demanded right back. It was like we were wrestling again, fighting each other as we ripped at each others clothes, trying to claim the other, to pin each other.

Something in me was beyond thrilled as he became less controlled and more ferocious until he pinned me, kissing me passionately as he lined up and plunged into me in one hard thrust.

I screamed as pleasure shot through me in an electric wave, my body convulsing around him. Our coupling was almost violent as he pounded into me and I pushed up to him, clawing his back. We flipped as we wrestled so I was riding him, his fingers pinching my nipples almost painfully and then gripping my hips and slamming up into me as I bounced and rocked over him. As my body tightened around him again he rolled pinning me, his thrusts more erratic and demanding. I screamed as the world shattered around us and my body shook. He let go with a loud roar that sent new shivers of electricity through me. With each short thrust I could feel hi emptying in me and my body convulsed with pleasure at the feel.

It took a while for us to move after the last shiver left my body and I gasped as he pulled out of me, flopping onto the ground beside me. We both lay there panting.

"Bella."

"Hmmm." I hummed at him, enjoying the quiet of my mind, the blissful peace of the moment that I had never known.

"I… that…"

"Carlisle?" His tone was cutting through my bliss.

"I would understand if you… hate me." He whispered the end.

I frowned as I turned on my side to look at him, "Why would I hate you?"

"For doing this to you." He almost hissed motioning to me.

"Changing me?" I frowned, "You know I wanted it and the Volturi demanded it, or that you kill me."

"Not that." He sighed, "There is that too but also…" he sighed. "I should never have lost control with you." His face paled, "Jesus, please tell me you… that I didn't…"

"Didn't what?"

"Were you… had you…"

"Carlisle?"

He groaned, "I am a terrible person."

"Carlisle?"

"Please tell me that after three hundred years of near perfect control I didn't snap and just assault a virgin." He groaned.

I chuckled and his head snapped to me, "I think I might have been the one assaulting you."

"Bella." He sighed, "It's not… you can't control this, I understand that, it's my responsibility to."

"No." I shook my head, "It isn't and if I wanted to prevent giving in to this whole crazy succubus thing, at least with you, then Kate would have sent you away. She offered to." He frowned and I could almost see him thinking, "Do you hate me for taking advantage of you?" I whispered.

Carlisle laughed and shook his head, "Three hundred years and… well that was definitely a first for me."

I giggled and he rolled over to tickle me making me scream as I laughed. Finally he gave in to my please to stop.

"I've never seen you laugh." I mused as I looked up at him.

He tucked a stray hair behind my ear, "I haven't felt so… free, in a very long time."

"Have you ever?"

He sighed and rolled onto his back again, I followed so now I was leaning over him, "No, I suppose not."

I bent down and kissed him gently, "Thank you."

"For?"

"Changing me." I shrugged, "Calming whatever is insane in me with this succubi thing so I can feel like myself."

He reached up and pushed my hair back again, "You were always a succubus Bella, your needs were just buried deep because you repressed them or they weren't being met. Now you don't have the option to repress them."

I frowned at him, "You repress your lusts."

Carlisle frowned back, "I repress the lust for human blood but I cannpt repress the need to drink, nor can you repress the need for physical release."

"Is that all you repress?" I asked him in a quiet whisper. The calm and peace in me even held back any embarassement I might have felt at being so nosy.

"Repression was part of my upbringing but I did indulge in needed release over the years, before meeting Esme."

"And after?" I pressed.

"Esme had a difficult human life, her experience with her husband was bad, if I repressed the more… volatile part of me, it was only in the way I repress my need to feed. I chose animal blood over human and gentleness over aggression but the basic needs have always been met. As vampires all three basic animal needs must be met."

"I get the violence, the fight, in the blood and sex but you took that out of there as well so how was the need to fight met?"

"I fight with my sons, as you've now seen with Emmett, quite often really. Jasper especially brings that out in me. I've learned a great deal about fighting from him, I am still no match, few vampires can hope to meet his skills even in groups but it's a good fight."

"Is it bad?"

"What?"

"That I like the aggressiveness of what we did."

"No," He laughed, "Its natural, for some humans, even more so for us, different types take it to different extremes both as humans and as vampires but we are more prone to giving in to pure instinct, as we did then."

"Carlisle?" I felt almost shy all of a sudden.

"Yes?"

"It's not over is it?" I sighed, "This peace, the calm in my head, it wont last."

"No." He agreed softly, "I can help you though… if you want it."

I smiled at him, "You mean do this again?"

Carlisle laughed, "Whenever the urge compels you, please give into it, doctors orders." I laughed with him but it died in my throat as he continued. "Emmett can help you as well." I averted my eyes as the feeling of needing to blush flooded me. Carlisle reached up and used his finger to guide my head so our eyes met again, "None of us would ever do anything to harm you Bella, fighting our own instincts and yours if need be is something both he and I settled on as soon as we realized what was occurring."

"Do you desire me because I'm a succubus?" The thought had randomly popped into my head.

"The desire we feel or might otherwise have repressed is enhanced and brought to the forefront of our consciousness. If a man, or vampire, has no desire for you in the first place it will not be created by what you are."

"So you…" I trailed off and looked away.

"You are very beautiful Bella, not just the perfection of your physical being but your mind and most especially your heart and I am just a man."

I looked back at him with a shy smile, "Thank you."

"Emmett is as well."

"So…"

"He would be more than happy to be in my place right now."

"Why isn't he?" I bit my lip, "I didn't mean." I huffed, "I just mean, well I don't think it was conscious, it didn't feel conscious anyways and I was just, well why didn't I chase him this time, like last time, I mean." His chuckle cut off my rambling.

"It wasn't conscious. When you arrived our sparring became very much real Bella. By proving the more dominant I was able to… call, for lack of better description, to those instincts."

"So… will I… I mean, this whole crazy need thing, it wont just, I don't know, focus on you now?"

"No." He shook his head.

"I don't," I sighed, "I was a virgin until an hour ago and now we're calmly discussing me sleeping with you and Emmett." I rolled onto my back.

"You don't have to Bella." He spoke softly, "As a new born it will be very difficult to fight those instincts, just like it would be if you were faced with human blood. If a human wandered here I would do everything in my power to stop you from doing anything you would regret. So would Kate and Emmett. The same goes for this."

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"What?"

"That I might… jump him."

"On a level, yes, just as it bothers him I am here with you now. Will it change anything between any of us, no, not if we don't want it to."

"So if I say I don't want him to touch me you'll make that happen?"

"I will do my best."

"How?"

"By trying to divert your attentions to myself or if you wish not to repeat this at all then by distraction and calming as Emmett was trying before this."

"You mean pinning me until my sense come back."

"Partly, or running away if we begin to loose control, or as Kate suggested by brining someone here to help, that might be a more desirable choice to you."

"What if I said none of it bothered me?"

"Then he and I will both provide you with the release your body needs."

"Will I always need it?"

"Need it? No. We can starve ourselves and live and you can deprive yourself and live but eventually insanity will take us over as the desire burns away anything else. It's not a need, it's an urge, a drive that can and will consume us. We are slaves to our lusts at times, to blood, sex and violence."

"Feeding, fucking and fighting." I repeated.

"Yes." He agreed.

"What does it say about me that I wanted both of you so much, that I…"

"That even now you can feel the tiniest tendril of desire as we lay here?" I nodded. "What does it say about me that I feel the same need?"

"Nothing." I sighed, "But I didn't choose this and what if next time it's Emmett or a stranger or…"

"You are a succubus Bella, until you find your mate your desires will run strong. It doesn't say anything bad about you."

"Doesn't it?"

"Does it say something bad about Kate?"

"No." My response was immediate and sure.

"Then it says nothing about you." He assured me. "None of us will judge you." He chuckled, "I believe Emmett is rather hoping to help you with this."

"Wont it hurt his feelings then, that my instincts chose you? Wont it hurt yours if next time they choose him?"

"I cannot promise there would never be a jealous moment but no, it wont hurt our feelings Bella. There are no promises between any of us to break. I'd even…"

"What?"

"I'd encourage it."

"Me sleeping with Emmett?"

"Satisfying this will help ease your new born year and focusing on one lust will ease the others, including blood and your year should be easier with it. Your mind is as clear and focused now as mine is and you are three days to my three hundred years old."

"So doctors orders are to give in to my instincts and do this again, with you and Emmett."

"As often and with whomever you desire. There is no sin in being what you are Bella. I do not judge our kind for not following in my beliefs and no vampire on the planet will fault you for being a succubus. In fact, your kind are very much revered and are quite rare amongst us. Only about one in a hundred vampires if not less."

"Carlisle…"

"Hmmm?"

"Is it always, so, all consuming."

"Needs can be met without instinct over riding everything." He assured me. "If you don't want it to get to that level…"

"Have sex more often?" It was part question and part statement as I giggled.

"Well, yes, actually." We both laughed and I rolled back onto his chest with a wicked grin.

"I'm beginning to feel less rational."

His smile turned predatory and I found myself on my back in the next instant, my legs went immediately around his hips.


	4. Chapter 4

Later, still feeling relaxed and calm, I went for a walk in the woods and found Kate.

"See how pretty the piranhas are." She smiled at the fish swimming peacefully near.

"You know your shirt is torn." I informed her as I dipped my toes into the water.

She grinned at me, "You know, yours is too."

I looked away, "I gave in, twice."

She chuckled, "I know. How are you feeling?"

"Calm, peaceful, relaxed," I sighed, "I feel like myself, only better."

"No regrets about Carlisle."

"No." I confirmed.

"How about angry with me?"

"Angry with you?"

"I've taken advantage of your friend." She admitted.

"You and Emmett?"

She shrugged, "I'm not prone to denying myself what I desire and Rosalie never did share."

"Was…" I looked away.

"He's _very_ big." She grinned. "How was the doctor? Irina had a thing for him. All that repressed need, I imagine it was,"

"Explosive." I sighed, interrupting her and making her laugh.

"How are you adjusting to what you are?"

"I think I'm more concerned with how well I am taking it than the actual thing itself." I admitted ruefully.

"Good." She laughed. "So now I'll go home."

"What!" I spun on her. "You can't leave me. I have no idea about being a succubus!"

She lifted a brow and then shook her head with a chuckle, "For this year, this is all you need to know. Let yourself adjust Bella. You are a vampire and a succubus, it's a lot to deal with."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Please stay."

Kate nodded and grinned at me, "You really are special." I frowned at her. "Don't worry about it." She shrugged. "I'll stay. Come on, let's head back."

Kate told stories about herself and her sisters over the night, Emmett and Carlisle also spoke up about a lot of things I had never heard about before. I felt, well, normal, for the first time in days.

It didn't last and when I saw Emmett hunting two days later something in me snapped and I attacked him, tearing at his clothes. Emmett responded even before my body had flung itself across the river and into his wide chest. His arms having opened to catch me and his kiss dark, demanding and passionate.

Kate was right, he was big, not as long as Carlisle but thick and heavy. He didn't take control, dominating me as Carlisle had, his passion matched mine but he let me drive.

"Em?"

"Bell." He breathed.

"Have you ever… with anyone besides Rosalie."

"As a human." He responded easily. "Now Kate and you."

"Oh."

"I loved her."

"You still do."

"Yes." He agreed easily. "I do but I can't make her love me. Believe me, I tried."

I was worried when we got back about how Carlisle might really take me jumping on Emmett and I felt a little like, no, I felt like I should feel like a bad person, a slut, but it was like I couldn't make myself regret it so I was upset with myelf for not regretting having sex with two different men inside of a week.

No one reacted when we got back and I felt myself relax. Kate took away any lingering self-deprecation by taking me for a walk and assuring me of things.

The surprise came much later, I was a month old and out hunting when I saw Kate cornering Carlisle by the stream.

I knew she had been finding her own release in locals in the nearest towns but also with Emmett and it didn't bother me in the least. Seeing her advance on Carlisle seemed to rub my succubus instincts the wrong way, into a crazy possessive rage.

Emmett was the one to pull me off of her and pin me but not even my crazy sex hormones were easing the all consuming new born rage. The only thing to break through was the scent of fear and blood as Carlisle dragged a wounded panther near. I attacked it as soon as Emmett released me.

Kate found me hiding by the river later.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as I sensed her behind me.

"No, I am. Your reaction to me with Emmett made me forget you wouldn't know how to deal with that side of what we are and I never expected, well regardless of my lack of desire towards Carlisle your instincts didn't agree and I didn't expect that."

"You knew I might react so… so…" I growled.

"Yes." She chuckled, "It's why I was going to leave."

"So I'm possessive of the men that I… why aren't I possessive of Emmett?"

"I don't know." She chuckled. "It's just the way it is sometimes. Emmett is your friend and lover, Carlisle your companion, for us it's not the same."

"Does that mean he is my mate?"

"No. All of our lust focuses on our mate. You still desire Emmett but in a purely sexual desire."

"Carlisle isn't just sex?"

"He is…" She frowned, "Carlisle meets a need in you, he matches you I suppose. They both satisfy you but… well does the peace last long when it's Carlisle?"

I thought about it, tilting my head as I reexamined my memories, "Yes." I agreed.

"That's the difference." She explained, "I can't really explain it properly."

"So I can sleep with others but he can't?" I frowned.

She shook her head, "He can but much like Emmett and Carlisle will fight to attract you, your instinct is to do the same. I imagine if Carlisle tackled you instead of Emmett he'd have been naked in the next second." She chuckled.

"Strange." I huffed.

"Some things about us can't really be explained Bella. We are succubi, some things about us, just are."

I huffed and rolled my eyes, "Helpful."

Kate just chuckled. "You'll feel better if you let it go and go find Carlisle."

"Right." I rolled my eyes.

"You're good for him too."

"How?"

"Ever seen him this relaxed before? This, united with what he is?"

I shook my head, "No but he's not pretending to be a human doctor."

"Where do you think he goes when he disappears into town?" She asked with a laugh, "It isn't the reason I do."

"Right." I wasn't sure why that hadn't hit me, he went into the nearby villages twice a week, of course he was working as a doctor for them.

"I'm going to find Emmett." Kate laughed.

"Have fun." I called after her.

I went to hunt and as I took down my kill Carlisle tackled me. We wrestled and I forgot my meal as another need drowned my senses. He didn't, grabbing the animal and pulling it between us. Sharing the kill was the most erotic thing and as he tossed the carcass aside and grabbed me to him I melted in his arms, letting him take control.

As I lay panting in his arms after I wondered if that was the difference. Carlisle dominated me. He took complete control of my body. Emmett always ceded control to me. He could be aggressive, but not in the same demanding uncompromising way as Carlisle. He had control over me, but not himself, all his self control snapped. Emmett seemed to have insane control as he teased me, taking things slow even when I wanted fast, guiding me but not demanding from me.

"What are you thinking about?" Carlisle asked running his hand up and down my arm.

"You lose control with me." I told him.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked sounding concerned.

I laughed, "No." I shook my head. "I love it."

He growled and pinned me before kissing me deeply. It was a long while before our conversation was continued.

"Why were you thinking about my control?" He asked stroking my back as I lay draped over his chest.

"It's the only big difference between you and Emmett I can think of. He has this perfect control over himself when he's with me, at first I thought he gave me control but it's not that really, he'll take control from me but never loses his. You lose control completely, so all we are is instinct. I was thinking maybe it was why my instincts are stronger with you. Why I went after Kate."

"Interesting theory." He agreed.

"I like that you lose control with me." I admitted. "It makes me feel powerful and beautiful, which is strange because you dominate me so completely, how can I feel powerful by that?"

"I dominate you, yes, but you are the one with the power." He explained. "I can only be what you let me be."

"What's that?"

"Me." He growled pulling me up for a kiss.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Are we going to stay here?"

"For a few more months."

"Then what?"

"Then we'll move closer to a village and begin helping you with your blood lust."

"After that?"

He sighed, "You mean after your new born year?" I nodded and met his eyes, "We can decide that then." He sighed, "Or did you mean what happens between us when we return."

"That." I admitted.

"I am your lover Bella, that is a choice we both made, if not completely consciously at first then certainly since then. I will remain your lover as long as it is both of our choice, it makes no difference if we're here or somewhere else."

"I think…"

"Bella?"

"I think I want to not give in to my instincts all the time."

"Then I will control myself Bella and I will help you control yourself."

"No." I frowned at him and shook me head, "Don't." I breathed leaning down to kiss him. I lifted up with a small smile, "I meant…"

"Emmett."

"I desire him. A lot." I admitted. "I just…"

"Don't want to share?" He questioned softly.

I shook my head, "It bothers me." I admitted, "Well no, it doesn't really but it does."

"How so?"

"I'm happy and I want to accept what I am, but, well, morally, I feel like I shouldn't be so ok with it and I guess, it bothers me sometimes." I sighed, "I don't want to just be a slave to this, not anymore than I want to be a slave to the blood lust." I chuckled, "I mean, I know I am, to both but…"

"You can control it, just like we do with blood. We choose animal blood and you can choose monogamy. I can give you that."

I grinned down at him, "Really?" At his nod I leaned down and kissed him, but a thought popped into my head and I pulled back with a frown, "Do you want to though?"

Carlisle laughed and rolled, pinning me, "You have no idea." He rocked into me showing me just how happy the idea made him and I moaned.

"So we're clear," I panted at him, "I don't want you to help me control myself or to control yourself when it's us." Carlisle laughed and kissed me deeply, his eyes already almost completely black.

Saying it, even wanting it and committing to it turned out to be two different things, especially for a succubus. I ended up jumping Emmett a couple times over the next couple months. I always felt terrible, like I'd betrayed Carlisle. He always reassured me after and then showed me how not upset he was for my 'slip' after all, we all struggled with it, well they struggled with blood lust, I struggled with both, though my blood lust was minimal. After only a week outside the village I could walk through it without much trouble and after only three weeks we moved to the outskirts of a small town and into a real house. Three months after that and we were living outside Rio.

We stayed until my first birthday but there was too much sun for any of us to want to live there long so we began moving North. Kate left to go home, she missed her family and we promised to join her there soon. Carlisle thought my spending time with more succubi would only help at least for a little while. I wasn't ready to face the others though and neither were Carlisle and Emmett so the visit was promised for some time in the next couple years and not months though Kate promised to come check on me much sooner than that. For now, we agreed to be nomads for a while before picking a place to settle down for a few years. Carlisle wanted me to see more of the world, to experience new things and meet other vampires.


	5. Chapter 5

Alice and Jasper met us in Montana.

Immediately I knew it was a mistake.

"I want to leave." I told Carlisle when he found me. I had excused myself to hunt almost as soon as we'd arrived.

"Bella?"

"I need to leave." I hissed.

"Why?"

I met his eyes, my own tortured. "Please."

Carlisle nodded, "Of course."

"Carlisle." I knew he was disappointed, that he missed his family. When he turned back to me I apologized, "I'm sorry."

"We can go any where you want Bella. It's no difference to me."

"No." I shook my head, "You missed them, you should stay."

"You aren't ready to be on your own." He hesitated, "If you wish to end this," He motioned between us, "We can. If you need space Emmett can go with you, or the two of us can leave and you can stay with…"

"NO!" I cut him off. "No." I sighed, "I don't want to stop. I just, I can't be here, I want us to leave, together, just us."

I meant Emmett as well but I didn't correct him when he nodded, "I'll talk with Alice and Emmett, we can leave tomorrow."

"No." I rushed, "Now. Please."

He frowned at me but nodded in agreement, "I'll give our excuses then."

I sighed with relief and nodded.

Alice danced out of the woods a few minutes later laughing, "I informed Carlisle you changed your mind and wanted to stay."

"No." I frowned at her, "I didn't."

"I know." She giggled. "I saw you decide to leave and I'm going to change your mind."

"Alice." I shook my head.

"I know." She laughed. "I already saw it." She tapped her temple.

"Alice, I."

"Carlisle won't mind." She laughed, "He's enjoying the ride but we all know you two aren't mates and succubi are not monogamous long, not young ones. Hell unmated vampires aren't usually monogamous very long in our meaning of the word."

"Carlisle is very understanding of my slips." I told her averting my eyes as I thought of the last time I had seduced Emmett. I wasn't so sure coming into my abilities as a succubi was a good thing or not.

"I will be too." She grinned at me.

"Alice?" I frowned at her, trying to pull my attention away from my mental movie of naked Emmett.

"When you screw Jasper." I blanched at her words and she laughed, "Really Bella. It will be ok, I promise."

"Alice."

"Look, I know you'd have freaked out about all of this before but trust me when I tell you that meeting with you now made for the better future."

"Why?" I frowned at her.

Alice smiled at me, "If I didn't invite you, hand him over on a silver platter, well when you did sleep with him, you'd not have forgiven yourself enough for us to be sisters, like we are meant to be."

"Alice, I, well I wouldn't, I wont," I shook my head, "I can control myself."

Alice laughed, "Look," she met my eyes, "I'm taking off for a couple days, shopping in New York. Carlisle and Emmett are going away too. So it's just you and Jasper here… for a month."

"NO!"

She laughed, "Like I said, silver platter husband."

"Alice."

She met my eyes her expression serious, "Bella, please, trust me. I need you to do that. I need one thing from you, one promise to seal our bond forever, please."

"Anything." I agreed easily.

"Seduce my husband."

"Alice."

"Please, just trust me."

"You know I do."

"Good, then come back to the house, tell Carlisle you want to stay and everything will be fine."

I hesitated but looking into her eyes, I couldn't deny her, I did trust her, I'd do my best not to let my instincts run rampant and screw her husband, but I'd stay here, for her.

They left in the morning, Carlisle the last to go as he walked out to the lake with me. "You're sure you're ok with this?"

"You love her Carlisle, if Esme is asking you to go home and talk to her then you should, so should Emmett."

"You're sure you wont come?"

I shook my head, "Kate thinks its better I don't and Alice said it was a bad time for me to be faced with… I'm not ready to deal with him, I know that even without her."

"Bella…"

"What?"

"Alice left this morning."

"I know." I nodded, "I'll be fine Carlisle. Even if I were a typical new born, I've past the most difficult year and I'm not typical, I wont go on a rampage and start killing people. I'll be fine on my own."

"I know." He sent me a reassuring smile, "If you were anything but what you are I'd encourage you to go out and find yourself now."

I frowned at him, "Anything but me?"

He sighed, "It takes time to control Bella."

I looked away, "I know I, slipped, with Emmett, and you've been very understanding." I sighed, "I understand why you wouldn't trust me, _I_ wouldn't trust me."

Carlisle shook his head, "I encouraged you to be with Emmett just like you are encouraging me to embrace rather than just accept what I am. We aren't mates Bella and if you want to end us or just the monogamous part, I do understand that, I wouldn't hold a young succubi to monogamy outside mating, especially when I wasn't there to, temper those needs. I'm only worried about how you will handle it."

"Alice says I'll be fine." I told him with a shrug. "You can trust me alone."

He hesitated but nodded and moved to kiss my temple, "I'll see you soon, remember, embrace what you are but hold on to conscious thought."

I nodded and hugged him. He kissed me and left.

It wasn't until I lay out looking at the moon I realized I was alone, with Jasper.

Two days passed with relative ease. I could feel desire burning in my gut, like blood lust burned in my throat only stronger but I could ignore it. I enjoyed the chance to get to know Jasper and finally felt myself relaxing in his company.

We spent a week together; I had relaxed completely with him. It helped that he sent me calming vibes and found interesting things to occupy my thoughts. His own history occupied my vast mind for two full days alone.

I was sure I could handle the pull of desire and not let my own succubus pull draw him to me.

Then nomads came upon us and Jasper kicked their shit. The fight lasted two minutes, three on one. Every thought fled me as desire flooded out of me consuming us both as I attacked him.

Jasper didn't wait for the impact of my body, he spun, grabbed me, pinned me and kissed me. Before I registered any movement we were both naked and he was pushing roughly into me. I screamed as I arched into him, feeling his teeth plunge into my neck causing me to orgasm before he had begun moving. After my second orgasm he pulled out of me and explored my body with hands and mouth. After my sixth orgasm he finally joined me, toppling over the edge with a violent growl and when I felt him spurting inside of me it caused a whole new level of bliss.

It was as close to passed out as I was sure any vampire could get. Before I could let a feeling of self-doubt or deprecation register he was over me growling, "Don't."

The word was a command and I immediately complied, my legs wrapping around his waist as I arched up into him. "Jasper." It was a moan and a plea for more.

Thirst finally pulled us apart and we hunted together. He never gave me a chance to think let alone comprehend a thought about him being married to my best friend. A week passed and then two and three with nothing but hunting and sex.

Jasper Whitlock was a god.

I could have gone on in that pattern but Alice finally returned and with her came every conscious thought and I ran hating myself.

Jasper had me pinned before I got a mile. His eyes were obsidian as he pinned me, growling. I avoided his eyes as my body instantly reacted, my succubus pheromones bursting out of me, increasing his lust and urging me to stop fighting what I was.

Alice was only a moment behind him, "Jazz." She touched his back and he let out a growl, his eyes hard as they focused on me in warning before releasing me.

I jumped up, looking from him to her with tears in my eyes, even now, facing them both my entire being wanted nothing more than to have him.

"Bella." She spoke in a calm, soothing voice when I knew it should be full of reprimand, anger and betrayal.

I felt venom well in my eyes, "Alice."

"Silver platter husband." She grinned at me, making me laugh. Alice giggled, "That's better."

"I'm sorry." I told her as she hugged me.

"See the future remember." She laughed, "I knew this was going to happen, left to encourage it happening now."

"Why?"

"You had him." She giggled.

"I'll never be the same." I admitted as desire flooded me. Jasper growled from in front of us.

"He can feel that remember." She laughed.

"Alice, I…"

"Bella, Jasper is my mate, the real thing, not a companion like the other Cullen's but true mates. We're part of each other, I accept and love every part of him, even his horrendous fashion sense which stuns me more than the whole god of war slaughtered thousands of innocents, human and vampire for a century thing." She grinned, "Actually the wounded bad boy god of war thing is hot. His awful jeans and cowboy boots are not." I frowned at her, not understanding, "If I hadn't told him to fuck you, he wouldn't have, all desire aside, the one thing a succubus can't influence is a mated pair Bella."

"Why?"

"Why can't you influence him or why did he push your own lust back at you so strongly so you bounced off each other until there was nothing but sex and blood for either of you."

"That. "I whispered looking away.

"Would you be appalled if I admitted that in part it turns me on?"

"What?" I gasped turning to meet her eyes again.

Alice chuckled, "Jasper is mine and I'm his, nothing will ever change that so we are perfectly at ease with each other and our needs. Sometimes I can't meet all of his, sometimes he can't meet all of mine." She shrugged, "We love each other and will never do anything to hurt each other and neither Jasper or I, are into the whole represss what we are thing. I don't eat people but Jazz has, we've all slipped but Jasper's emotional state is more balanced with this diet even though it's harder for him. That's why I fought so hard to do it on my own before we met."

"I don't understand."

"I saw the Cullen's Bella but it wasn't until I saw how much Jasper needed that peace that I tried to become a vegetarian. I knew it would be better for him if I was before we met."

"What does it have to do with…" My voice trailed off.

She shrugged, "It was good wasn't it?"

I looked away in embarrassment even as need flooded me. Alice sighed, "I did it for all of us Bella. You because, well what you wanted with Carlisle was to be able to focus all of your succubus instinct on him so you could get it under control, he can't give you that though."

"Only a mate can." I agreed, repeating what I had been told repeatedly after 'slipping' with Emmett.

Alice shook her head, "A mate… or an empath."

"What?"

"Jasper can focus all your succubus instincts on himself and free you from the rest but first you needed to give in completely to that side of yourself, hence husband on a silver platter for three weeks."

"Now?" I breathed.

"Now I'll share him with you while you learn to control what you are."

"Share him with me?"

She grinned, "I promise you and I will only be better sisters for it."

"It doesn't bother you I've had sex with your husband?"

"You share something completely physical with him Bella." She grinned, "I know you care about him, he cares about you too, just like you and I care about each other but the sex between you is pure lust, physical need, not love. Jasper and I are mates, we belong heart and soul, sometimes just not in body."

"Have you ever…"

"It's not cheating if it's consensual." She argued.

"I never said… I mean, its none of my… you and Jasper…" I shook my head, "I'd never judge either of you."

"No." She snorted, "Just yourself or I'd have had you screwing him from the start. Then again the Carlisle thing worked out on so many levels. You'll have better control, better understanding with our help though."

"So you want me to stay here? Even after I…"

Alice nodded, "To stay and to continue the affair with Jazz."

"No." I shook my head.

"I know," she sighed, "but at least these few weeks helped and Jasper can really help you sort out the emotional part of the succubus thing before you leave."

"Alice."

"I set you up to fuck him, are you angry with me?"

"No." I insisted instantly.

"Well then don't be angry with yourself for it."

"I…" I frowned trying to come up with an argument but none was forthcoming.

"Are Carlisle and Esme…"

"No." Alice shook her head. "They are finalizing the divorce but you've really helped Carlisle. He' s more at peace with what he is than he has ever been and I think he will be open to finding his mate now. Actually he's already met her but was fighting his instincts to thoroughly at the time."

"He has?"

Alice nodded, "Are you ok with that?"

"I've been…" I looked away as thoughts of all the ways I'd fucked and been fucked by her husband rose in my mind.

"That is how you will learn to control your instincts with others as well and once you know how, you wont need Jazz anymore."

"I don't know Alice."

"Trust me Bella. Stay. We can help you."

"I'm past my new born year."

"I know and it's the hardest, except with the succubus part where the new born stage lasts eighteen months and the last six, less subdued by blood lust and irrationality, is the hardest."

"Maybe I should go stay with Kate." I hedged.

"Do you really want to be faced with Edward? His Victorian sensibilities, censure and judgment? I know how much you desired him, the succubus side of you was there, just buried deep as a human. That had to be brutal on you, the desire and need almost painful."

"No," I shook my head, the denial was an outright lie and we both knew it.

"My husband is an empath." She reminded me.

"So it would be bad if I went to Alaska." I sighed, agreeing with her about staying.

"YES!" She shouted and laughed, the laugh was cut off by a vision and then a gentle and surprised "oh" before she burst into giggles.

"Alice?"

"I saw something." She giggled in a high-pitched teasing voice.

"What?"

"You wont be needing Jazz long is all." She told me as she took off towards their house. I followed trying to get the information from her but she was close lipped. Frustrated, I felt irrational anger growing. Jasper diverted it by attacking me. The anger grew along with lust as we wrestled into the woods.

"She really is alright with this." He told me softly as we lay in the woods after.

"I don't know how she is, I'd never be." I sighed.

"You're a succubus, mating is different."

"Is it?"

"Yes but all people are different. Sharing is part of Alice and I, its rare but we've indulged in affairs, even separated for some months but she is as much a part of me as any limb or organ."

"Do you ever… _share_?"

Jasper chuckled, "Nothing is wrong or repressed between mates Bella and it is not in a vampire's nature to fight our instincts, less so in yours."

"Did you, I mean, when I was changed, did she tell you…"

"She told me why we were leaving the three of you. It was partly because being around a mated pair would be hard for the other two but mostly because what would have occurred between you and I would have been hard for you."

"It still is." I groaned making him chuckle.

"You're still here, you listened to her and have accepted what you are, even if you aren't completely ready to recognize that."

I sighed, "Thank you Jasper."

"It is very much my pleasure." He chuckled.

I smacked him lightly, "Not what I meant."

He had me pinned, his smile becoming predatory, "I can change that." I opened my mouth to protest but he flooded me with lust before I could and my nature took over.

Jasper and I were together only once more before I resolved not to do that again. With his gift he was still able to help me and I learned even more about my instincts, my needs and how to control myself than I had with Carlisle, Emmett and Kate.

I wasn't the first new born succubus Jasper had tamed. We were rare but he'd changed hundreds of new borns and in Maria's army he'd been faced with four succubi. One died before her first week but the other three he was able to help until Maria deemed them no longer useful.

I spent seven months with him but the need was growing in me and I was about ready to cave and beg Alice's forgiveness and permission to make use of her more than gorgeous and _very_ gifted husband. That was before I met _him._

I had heard everything about him from Jasper but it didn't prepare me at all for meeting him.

Peter Whitlock. Jasper's bother. The vampire that had befriended him and then come back for him, taking him away from Maria and the dark emotions of that life that were drowning him. The vampire that fell in love with a new born, stood against him so she could escape and then, after fifty years, lost her in a final show down with Maria who'd finally come after the three of them in revenge.

He'd been alone for thirty years, a nomad who occasionally stayed with the Cullen's or who Jasper and Alice occasionally joined. To make me feel better about Jasper, Alice had also informed me that she'd had a brief affair with him.

He was Jasper only a little broader in the shoulders.

When Alice hugged him I nearly took off her head.

I ran instead.


	6. Chapter 6

She found me a little later and I looked away in shame.

"It's ok Bella." She dropped down next to me, "Succubi mate differently, your reaction was very normal."

"Mate?" I breathed.

Alice nodded, "Jasper is talking with him now."

"Jasper's brother is my mate?" I breathed.

"I saw it the day you agreed to stay, that you would meet him today."

I shook my head, "It can't be true, he can't be…"

"He is." Alice contradicted. "He still will be later so you might as well stop hiding here and come back with me."

I sighed, "This is insane. He can't be my mate."

"Were you hoping it would be Edward?" She whispered.

I shook my head, surprising myself with how sure I was, "I knew when I asked him to leave he wasn't."

"Why aren't you happy its Peter?"

"I don't know him."

"Then come back and get to know him."

"I don't want to."

"Why?"

I just shrugged, "I think I'll go visit Kate."

"Bella." Alice sighed.

"What if he doesn't like me?" I whispered.

"You're mates Bella, you're made for each other."

"I had sex with his brother… a lot."

Alice giggled, "He had sex with your sister, you had sex with my husband and when you and he marry I'll have had sex with yours. A family fit for bad day time tv."

"Alice." I groaned stifling a chuckle.

"You know you've already decided to let me win and are coming back."

"Do I ever not let you win?"

"Nope." Alice chuckled jumping up.

I pretended to grumble as I jumped up and followed her back to the house.

Jasper and Peter were gone when we got back, "Maybe he left."

"Hunting." Alice nodded, "They'll be back soon."

I rolled my eyes at her and went inside for a shower. She'd laid clothes out for me and I pulled the summer dress over my head, kicked the shoes under the bed and walked barefoot downstairs to see her.

I could smell him but tried hard not to look over at him. The sound of his breath catching drew my eyes though.

He was staring at me, eyes obsidian. I lifted my chin and glared at him, "I take it you haven't met a succubus before?"

"Succubus?" His southern accent made my insides quiver, his voice sex drizzled in honey. With a slight frown he turned at Jasper, "She's a succubus?" Then he chuckled, "Scared the shit out o myself there for a minute." I frowned at him in confusion. He just turned back to me and winked, "Peter Whitlock, pleased to meet you darlin."

"Bella and I'd rather I hadn't."

"Bella." Alice gasped.

"What?" I turned back to her.

Jasper was shaking his head and chuckling. I growled at him and he sent a wave of calm. "Feel like playin today?" He asked with a lifted brow. Peter growled at him. Jasper just laughed. "Well Bella?"

"I don't think it's a good idea." I told him lifting my chin.

"I promise it'll be good." He winked.

Peter growled at him again and shifted his body closer to mine. I hissed at him and he turned to me. "Careful Little Girl."

"Or what?" Our eyes met and he winked making all the anger fade away as I laughed.

"Shall we play then?" Alice moved into Jasper's arms. "Come on Bella, I know you want to try to take me."

I laughed at her, "Pixie, I doubt I ever will but it doesn't make the trying any less fun."

Alice giggled and kissed Jasper, "Come on Major, let's go play."

Jasper growled, pulling her body tighter to his, she kissed his lips gently, giggling as she pulled away and flitted outside.

I followed ignoring both men.

Immediately we began sparring.

Jasper joined in and we all attacked each other, but when he got the better of me Peter tackled him. I immediately jumped up and attacked him but he had me pinned in the same second.

He moved as fast as Jasper, not when we were sparring but when he was really fighting. Before I could react my legs were around his hips as I purred and arched into his body.

Peter kissed me then and my whole world shifted. Instead of clawing at him my entire being focused on the feel of him against me, of his lips moving against mine and the taste of him as his tongue danced with mine. I was sure I could kiss him forever and never need anything else.

When he finally did pull back it was only to kiss down my neck as his hands explored my torso.

Peter made love to me slowly, worshiping my body and giving his own over to my exploring fingers and mouth as I ran my hands over him, memorizing every part of him, kissing his scars and tracing lines of his body with my tongue.

I could have wept when he finally entered me, pushing so gently inside of me I could feel every thick inch of his length.

The whole world had faded, not in the black haze of need and lust but into a calm I had never known. There were no thoughts in my head, I felt perfect peace wrapped in his scent, all bliss centered on his being, his weight over me, his length deep within me.

I felt my body rock against his gently with no instruction from me. He reacted by pulling out, making me whimper. Instead of the slow pace he'd used to push in and then pull out of me he slammed back home making me scream and my legs tighten against him. His pace was relentless; I saw stars exploding behind my eyelids and clung to him as only our hips moved.

I bit him as I came and with a roar he did the same, his teeth sinking into my shoulder as I felt long heavy streams of his come hitting my cervix and making me convulse with new waves of my own release.

My body was shaking, tremors still occasionally running through me though he'd rolled us over so I was sprawled on his chest and we were both panting. His hand running calmingly up and down my spine while I purred.

"Mine." I breathed, kissing the scar I'd left on him.

"Mine." He repeated, tightening his arm around my hips.

After a little, when the tremors stopped and wildlife noises had returned to the woods I sighed, "Peter?"

"Hmm?"

"Are we mates?"

"Looks like darlin."

"Is that ok?"

"Scares the shit out a me but yeah."

"Why?"

"Ever been in love?" I nodded against his chest. "Me too."

"Charlotte." I whispered, feeling a coil of depression clogging my throat.

His arm tightened around my hip again, "She's gone darlin, I loved her but she wasn't my mate, losing her was damn near crippling, losing you would kill me."

"You chose to love her, you're just stuck with me." I pushed up off of him but he held me against him and stilled me with a low, dark growl.

"Mates ain't stuck together like some curse, they're blessed with each other."

I snorted, "Right." I pushed away from him, succeeding in jumping up this time but he grabbed me, keeping me from running, I hated that even as a vampire he was still stronger than me, his reactions faster.

"You don't like me, don't want me, that's just fine darlin but I am your mate and in a thousand years I'll still be the only damn one you get so walk away if you want to but don't ever forget that from today on, your ass belongs to me."

I hissed at him and jerked my arm away, "I don't belong to anyone." His eyes went to the scar he'd left and I forced a laugh, "Matches Jasper's almost perfectly." His expression darkened, his eyes swimming black. I smirked at him, "I'm a succubus," motioning to where we had lain, "That was just Jasper letting me down, not controlling my instincts like he promised. You could have been any one." Spinning away I ran deeper into the woods leaving him with black eyes staring a hole in my back.

"That was mean." A voice reached me at the same time I caught the scent.

"Alice." I sighed.

"I saw as soon as you decided to hurt him." She told me dropping from the tree. "I sent Jasper to talk to him."

"Just leave me alone Alice."

"Tell me what happened Bella. What did he say?" I frowned at her. "I saw you leaving after you decided to hurt him but not what happened before."

"We had sex."

"I know," she rolled her eyes, "That started while Jasper and I were still there. Well the kissing and the lust," she smirked, "Enough to get Jazz well and truly worked up. It was turning into a great afternoon until the vision of you saying that to Pete and then leaving us hit me." She glared, "Totally killed my blissed out buzz."

"Well I'm a succubus, the instinct took over and instead of stopping it Jazz went off to fuck you. Kate's right anyways, I should just accept what I am, so I'm going to find her. Embrace my being."

"Peter's your mate Bella. Jasper can't influence you away from him any more than you can influence Jazz away from me."

"Funny, I seem to remember you thinking Edward was my mate once too. Maybe you should have the vision meter checked."

"Bella."

"Go home to Jazz."

"Bella, wait, ple…" Her voice trailed off as she had a vision. I ignored it and turned to leave. I heard her calling after me but ignored her and kept running.


	7. Chapter 7

I ran for a few days feeding on wildlife and pouting all the way to Canada. Finally I called Alice.

"I'm sorry." I sighed into the phone as soon as it was picked up.

"I know, I forgive you." Alice assured me.

"He eats people." I sighed and dropped cross-legged on the forest floor.

Alice chuckled, "Only the ones already dying or who hurt other people."

"He's still a murderer."

"Is Jazz?"

"He's a vegetarian."

"Not always."

"That's different, he tries not to kill people."

"Bella, we're vampires, people are animals to us, they're food and pets, just like, cattle and cats are to them."

"So I was a pet to you?"

"You were my best friend, you are my best friend, my sister."

"I was human."

"Yes and a lot of the time Jazz wanted to eat you. There were a couple occasions even I had trouble not hurting you Bella. It doesn't make us monsters any more than being what you are makes you a slut."

"I'm a succubus. Carlisle turned me from an innocent virgin human that couldn't kill a spider, cried at Bambi and only ever kissed a boy without tongue, into a monster slut." I heard a noise through the phone, "What was that?"

Alice sighed, "Carlisle."

"He's there with you?"

"We're all in Alaska. You did say you were coming here and the lack of decisions over the last few days left me a bit blind."

"Great." I hissed.

"Do you really feel that way?" Alice asked gently.

"What?"

"That we've made you into a monster?"

"I'm a freaking succubus!" I hissed. "I went from happily in love and dreaming of forever, to abandoned and broken, to something in between those two and becoming a vampire but I'm not a vampire I'm a goddamn succubus! I went from virgin to fucking both my father and brother figures, then my best friends husband and now a strange human eating vampire who says I belong to him even though he's still hung up on some murderous man-eating bitch I'll never be!" I missed what she would have said to that as the phone crushed in my hand. I screamed into the woods and took off to find a predator to eat.

It was Emmett who found me a few days later.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed at him.

Emmett just shrugged, "I'm the best tracker in the family, the others aren't far behind though."

"Well tell them to go home. I don't want any of you here."

Emmett sighed and met my eyes, then stilled. "Bella."

"What!" I yelled. "I ate someone! It's _natural!_ I'm a vampire whore!" I screamed at him, dry sobbing violently.

Emmett pulled me into his arms and rocked me while I sobbed. He sank to the ground, pulling me into his lap as he sat cross-legged, holding me and humming gently.

After a while I sniffed and relaxed into his broad chest, "I ate someone." I told him gently.

"It's ok." He rubbed my back.

"I'm a monster."

"No you aren't."

"I don't want to be this."

"I'm sorry," he sighed, "If I thought you'd regret it I would never have voted yes."

I pushed away from him, "I don't hate being a vampire Em, I wanted to be one, I feel like I was born to be one but I never signed up to be a succubus!"

"A succubus is a very rare and amazing vampire Bella."

"A horny vampire, oooh how special."

"A succubus is more than just lustful."

"Right."

"Do you regret what we did? What you and Carlisle shared?"

I frowned at him, "Not really, no."

"What you said really hurt him. He feels like he took advantage of you Bella, that you hate him for turning you and for being with you."

"I don't and he didn't." I sighed, "We had this conversation then."

"I know but now you aren't a newborn, now you can think more rationally and now you're upset."

"Yeah well now I'm apparently mated to some southern jackass James type vampire."

"Peter is nothing like James."

"How would you know?"

"I've known him for years Bella. Since before Charlotte died actually."

"Charlotte." I huffed. "It's the name of some creepy crawly pig spider."

Emmett fought a smile but lost the battle and chuckled, shaking his head, "Is that what all this is about? Charlotte?" I snorted at him and pushed out of his lap. "Wait, Bella. Please. Talk to me."

"She died and he doesn't want a mate. He wants her."

"Peter loved Charlotte Bella. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out." I stood glaring at him, not breathing. Emmett sighed, "I love Rose, she's beautiful and wounded and from the moment I woke up all I wanted was to take care of her."

"I'm sorry she left you because of me, of what I said to her. She was right, I do regret this." I waved at myself.

Emmett shook his head, "I loved her a very long time but the part she was right about was that we both deserved to find our mates and using each other as a crutch the way we were, we'd never find them. Maybe I was meant to love her for a little while, to heal her and she was meant to change me so that we could be with our mates one day."

"I hope you find her. That you're happy."

Emmett nodded, "The point isn't about me Tinkerbella. It's about you. Peter left Maria because he loved Charlotte. She saved him and he saved Jasper, Alice has Jasper and now you have Peter. Charlotte was fates stepping stone, like Rose and I maybe are for each other." I frowned biting my lip in thought, analyzing his argument and trying to think of one to counter it. "Edward was your stepping stone to what you are." He added.

"I'm a monster and a whore." I hissed at him. "I killed someone, I drank a human being dry and I've had sex with four men in one year, three of them supposed to be my family!"

"Bella, please."

"No." I hissed at him. "Just leave me alone! Peter isn't my mate, he's just another body I made use of."

I took off but Emmett was right, the others weren't far behind him and I ran straight into Kate, Alice, Esme and another blond woman.

"This is Tanya." Kate introduced us. "Tanya, Bella."

I nodded at her. "I'm going hunting."

"For blood or sex?" Tanya asked with a smirk.

"Both."

"Bella!" Esme gasped.

"I'm embracing what I am Esme, what you and your family made me."

Tanya examined me a few minutes and then nodded to the woods, "Let's talk."

"I'm hungry."

"Nothing you find out there will satisfy, not animal blood or human and not sex."

I snorted at her, "Maybe I'll just try both at once, Kate told me once it was what you used to do and there was no high like it for our kind."

"There's one." Tanya contradicted. "Once you have it, once its there, nothing can satiate the need."

"For what?"

"Your mate."

I growled at her and took off running again. She followed easily.

I finally stopped at some cliffs and stood looking out over the water, "You aren't going to leave me alone are you?"

"No, sorry."

"Why?"

"My extended family is hurting and my sisters and I can help."

"I don't want your help."

"Is what you are that terrible?"

"A murderous whore?" I spat. "Yeah, it is."

Tanya sighed and sat cross-legged, patting the ground beside her for me to sit. I sighed but complied, mirroring her position.

"Who did you kill?"

"A hiker."

"Did he have id on him?"

"No."

"Young?"

"Twenties or thirties."

"Wedding ring?"

"No."

She nodded, "You'll remember his face for eternity."

I clenched my jaw. "We have perfect recall of course but no death is ever as clear as the first. For me it was a man, he had green eyes and a beard. I've had so many in the centuries I've existed, my meals and my lovers number in the hundreds of thousands and in all of those years, all of those people, I've yet to find a mate."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you think Carlisle and Emmett deserve their mates?"

"Yes."

"That mate will know they loved before, that the women they had chosen to live decades married to were still part of their lives, their families."

"They ended their relationships."

"Peter didn't have the chance, the time to end his. As much as he loved Charlotte, she wasn't his mate and it would have ended."

"Fine."

"Do you really regret what you are? Enough that if you'd known you would have chosen differently"

"Yes." I sighed, "I don't know."

"What you said to Alice really hurt him."

"I didn't know he was there."

"All the more reason for him to believe its true."

"I don't blame him."

"Then come back with me and tell him so yourself." I nodded knowing she was right, after all he had done for me, I owed Carlisle that much. Tanya smiled at me and stood holding out her hand to pull me to my feet.

I ran with her as she led the way further North but slowed when she said it was only over one more ridge.

"Bella?"

I touched my cheek under my eyes and felt them well with venom, "He'll be disappointed in me." I whispered.

Tanya took my hand, "No one is."

We ran hand in hand the rest of the way and found the family waiting with several others in the large living area.

Peter was leaning against a wall but straightened when we came in, I hissed at him and edged closer to Tanya and Kate who had moved over to us.

"Come in." Kate took the hand not still holding Tanya's and pulled us forward. "This is Eleazar and Carmen, our father and mother and our other sister Irina."

I averted my eyes to the floor as we exchanged hello's and turned to the Cullen's.

"We didn't hunt on the way." Tanya spoke up, "Maybe we should."

I was led outside and ran into the woods to find something to eat. When I'd stuffed myself I lay in the snow until the three succubi sisters joined me. The others had stayed at the house.

"How are you feeling?" Kate asked taking my hand.

"Sloshy." I muttered putting my hand over my stomach.

I heard Irina snort and then Tanya giggled.

"I have to know how he was." Irina spoke up after a moment of silence.

"The human?" I wrinkled my nose, "Sweet."

The three of them laughed and Irina corrected, "Carlisle."

"Oh." I licked my lips as embarrassment flooded me, "Aggressive, wild, really amazing."

I could hear the grin in Kate's voice, "Jasper amazing or Emmett amazing?"

I frowned in thought, "Between them."

"Not much can match Jasper." Kate sighed.

I snorted, "Peter."

"Did you play with Alice or just him?" Tanya asked, all three letting my muttering slide.

"No!"

"Jasper scares me to much." Irina admitted.

"I know. I'm not sure if that excites me or makes me want to run for the hills." Tanya agreed. "Emmett though. I'd ride that tilt-a-whirl."

I giggled with them as Irina added, "No, Carlisle all the way, it's the reserved quiet ones who are freaks in the sheets."

"You know I've been trying to pop Edward's cherry for decades." Tanya sighed, "Talk about pent up."

I giggled as Kate made a face, "I don't think he'd know what to do with it."

"Two pump chump for at least a decade." Irina added.

"Definitely a only in bed with the lights off guy." Kate agreed.

"I think if he loses his shit it will be crazy." Tanya protested.

"He'd barely kiss me." I told them, "I think Kate's got it right, he's waited a century, he'll wait until he's mated, married and on a king sized feather bed with candle light."

"Unless Emmett's right and he just wont admit he bats for the other team." Irina laughed.

For the next few hours we lay in the snow talking, the three of them telling me stories and all of us laughing as day passed into night and thousands of stars appeared above us.

"How are you feeling Bella?" Tanya asked after a long silence.

"Ok." I whispered back.

"Do you want to go back?" Kate suggested.

"No." I shook my head.

"We did come so you can talk to Carlisle." Tanya reminded me.

"Right." I agreed with a sigh.

"We can send him out." Irina suggested.

"Ok." I agreed.

We all got up and I followed them to the edge of the woods and stopped while they went in to get him. I dropped to sit cross-legged in the tree line and wait.

"Bella." Carlisle's voice was tentative as he approached me.

"I killed someone." I admitted meeting his eyes for the first time since he'd left me in Montana.

"I know." He sighed, sinking down to sit across from me. "I'm so sorry."

I shook my head at him, "I am. I didn't mean for you to hear what I said to Alice. I didn't even mean it. Not about you."

"It's ok to feel that way Bella. I did make you into this… all of it."

"No." I protested meeting his eyes again, "I was upset, I'd just killed a person and this whole Peter thing is making me crazy. I don't blame you or hate this."

"Finding a mate…"

I cut him off, "Please don't tell me how finding a mate is a wonderful and rare thing so I should embrace the murderous bastard because Alice says he's mine. You know she thought Edward was once to."

"So now its Alice's fault?" Rosalie's voice came from our left.

I shook my head, "It's mine." I snorted, "You were right, I had no idea what I was asking for." I turned back to Carlisle, "I did ask for this though and none of it is on you. I made the choice, to be changed, to give in to my instincts, all of it, it's on me so please, please don't blame yourself."

Carlisle nodded slowly as Rosalie joined us, moving to sit beside me.

"I'm sorry I was right." Rosalie told me.

I turned to her, "I fucked your husband."

"I know." She nodded. "It's good, he needed the help moving on or he might have sulked for years. Your changing and being a succubi really worked for me."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Happy to help." My words were sarcastic but I meant them too.

"I've no doubt." She snorted again.

"Why are you here?"

Carlisle got up and left us as Rosalie shrugged, "My family is hurting."

"Because of me."

She sighed, "You _are_ my family now Bella and I know you're hurting now to."

"Right."

"Emmett healed me after what happened to me Bella. It took him decades but he was so patient and he has healed me so much." I turned my head to look at her with a frown, "No one's healed you from Edward." She whispered. I swallowed as my eyes prickled with venom and turned my face back forward so I was again staring at the house. She spoke again after a few minutes, "It's not what you've become you hate, it's the fear of how Peter can hurt you. You don't want to need anyone. I get that. Edward wasn't the only one to betray you Bella, we all did and I'm sorry, we all are, not that it makes it better right now, words don't heal broken hearts, but we are sorry and in time your heart will heal."

"I killed someone."

"I know."

"He eats people."

"You won't slip just because he doesn't follow our ways."

"Wont I?"

"Alice doesn't waver because Jasper slips, none of us do. We are strong for each other and understand the choice or not, Peter will be strong for you too."

"I don't want a mate."

"I know."

"He's possessive and domineering and he… he eats people."

Rosalie laughed, "I bet he's a lot more things than that. Actually I know he is."

"Right." I snorted, "Honorable and charming and whatever else you think is good and I'll want to hear."

Rosalie laughed, "I meant he puts his booted feet up on the coffee table, he smokes, I mean really what vampire smokes? It's disgusting and its not like the nicotine affects us!" She rolled her eyes, "He drinks, actually likes the taste of whiskey which is just gross and the worst thing, he… well I let you make your own list to flush out your puny one." I laughed with her. "So you coming back inside?"

"I guess." I chuckled nodding at her.

We got up and walked at human pace the mile across the field to the house. "I'll show you your room." Rose led me inside and up to the attic, which was divided into three rooms.

"I took the middle room and Alice and Jasper always claim the one on the left." She told me pushing open the door to the right and leading me inside. "Shower, relax, whatever and then come find me when you decide those atrocious nails need to be looked after."

I laughed and nodded, "Thanks Rosalie."

She shrugged, "Family now."

I nodded and whispered back, "Family."


	8. Chapter 8

After a long hot shower and putting on fresh clothes I stared at my nails and realized she was right, they were atrocious, all the polish Alice had painted on was chipped and cracked so I went to find Rosalie.

I avoided Peter over the next few days, spending most of my time out of the house with Kate, Tanya and Irina or Rosalie and Alice. We had all of us settled into the living room for various separate activities when it finally occurred to me to ask, "Where's Edward."

I heard a growl to my left but ignored him.

"He's gone to visit some friends in Ireland." Carlisle smiled at me.

I smiled back and Peter growled again. I narrowed my eyes at him and hissed "What?"

"Mine." He growled.

"Bite me." Peter just lifted a brow and nodded at me, cocking his head to the side as though to indicate the spot on my neck he already had. "Still matches Jazz's."

He growled at me and calm flooded the room. I turned to glare at Jasper and he quirked an eyebrow making my eyebrows narrow further which only caused him to laugh. Peter's chair crashed back into the wall cracking plaster as he left the room.

I turned to Rosalie, "Add petulant and childish."

"I think that was jealousy." She corrected biting back a smile.

"Petulant and childish in his jealousy." I insisted.

"At least he didn't attack Jasper." Irina shrugged.

I snorted, "So we can add repressed and flight instincts."

"Repressed can be fun." Tanya smirked.

"Been there, didn't do that or did you forget I died a virgin?"

"Fucked your daddy when you woke up though." Tanya laughed, "Repression unleashed at its finest."

"One can image just how fun _that_ was." Irina added with eyes on Carlisle who looked like he'd be blushing if he could.

"Fine, whatever, the other three stand."

"Three in one night. Imagine if you actually spent time with him? Or spoke to him?" Rosalie smirked. "You might really find something to hate."

"How about just because he's an ass?"

"Well he has a fine ass." Kate smirked making a growl bubble up in my chest.

I covered it with a snort, "Carlisle's is better."

"Oooh, let's construct the perfect." Tanya grinned. "Edward's hair."

"Clearly Carlisle's ass." Irina chuckled.

"Eleazar's hands." Kate sighed.

"Alistair's tongue." Tanya smirked.

"Emmett's shoulders." Irina added eyeing him.

"Jasper's… gift." Alice jumped in making all four succubi nod and giggle.

"Em's hips." Rosalie added her eyes burning on her ex-husband, "perfect for wrapping your legs around."

"Bella?" Tanya pressed with a smirk.

I snorted and shook my head, "You want to Frankenstein the men in the room?"

"Come on, what about Pete? Isn't there one thing you'd keep of him?"

"No." I huffed and then rolled my eyes, "Maybe his accent."

"Jasper does that Darlin thing to, you know I don't mind those awful boots so much when the jeans are around them and he's got me over a hay bale." Alice sighed.

"Brings a new appreciation to country doesn't it." Kate agreed. "Playing ride em cowgirl."

"I always preferred playing doctor." Esme quietly added in.

I sputtered a laugh, which the others joined in, "I never saw the lab coat but it would have been."

"Ooh, I'd play doctor anytime." Irina agreed.

"I was partial to hide and seek." Rose sighed.

"I've always had a thing about a priest." Tanya admitted.

"No wonder you're so hot for repression Ed." Rosalie chuckled.

The men had long since left the room, left the house as we continued our conversations, sharing fantasies.

We all decided to go for a hunt together and I found myself alone in a tree with Esme.

"Does it bother you?" I asked quietly.

"You and Carlisle?" She questioned softly at my nod she sent me a soft smile and shook her head, though her words slightly contradicted it, "A little. We were together a very long time and I feel somewhat… possessive of him. I think it's more that I'm afraid to be without him than that I am really upset he moved on though."

"I'm sorry if any part of you feels I betrayed you."

"It doesn't." She quickly assured me pulling me into a hug, "You didn't."

I hugged her back and then pulled away a little resting my head on her shoulder, "Everything is so different."

"I know." She sighed, "I was afraid of change but it really is what's best and what will make us all happiest."

"Will it?"

She nodded and we sat in silence for a while. "Bella?"

"Hmm?" I hummed to show I was listening and let her know she could ask me whatever it was on her mind.

"Why are you so angry with Peter?"

"Angry with him?" I questioned sitting back so I could look her in the eyes. "I'm not angry with him."

"You hurt him today." She admonished gently, "I don't need Jasper's gift to know that."

"Did I?" It wasn't so much a question as a demand, a challenge.

Esme just nodded, her eyes holding mine and her expression still gentle as she reached out and tucked a stray hair behind my ear, "Just give him a chance Bella. You don't have to be with him, but you could try to be friends."

I snorted and rolled my eyes before sighing and nodding, "I'll try to be more conscious of his feelings." I conceded, even as my mind was screaming hell no, we couldn't be friends as the images replayed in the background of the one time we'd been together, every fiber of my being crying out for more.

We rejoined the others after Carmen entered the clearing below our tree and then together all of us returned back to the house. The men had all returned and with them, Edward.

He was even more perfect and beautiful to my eyes now.

"Bella." My name was a revered whisper.

"Edward." I nodded and felt myself smile at him as I moved forward, our eyes holding each other.

"You are so beautiful love, more even than I dreamed."

"Did you?" I questioned in a whisper, "Dream of me like this?"

"Every night I held you, watching you sleep, listening to your heart beat. I didn't want to steal your soul but I never didn't want you with me forever, didn't imagine what we could share, forever."

A crash broke the trance I was in as glass broke. I turned and a door slammed to the rear. I took off running after the form that disappeared into the woods.

"Peter wait." I called as I trailed him.

"Why?" He growled spinning back to face me.

I sighed and met his eyes, "Because you can't leave me." I felt my chest squeezing in and a pain worse than the flames that made me this fill my heart.

I was in his arms in less time than it took a vampire to blink. He cradled me into his chest his hold at once firm and so gentle.

I rubbed my face against his chest breathing him in as I clutched his shirt, the material tearing slightly in my hands.

After a minute, or an hour, I couldn't be sure how long I clung to him, he sank to the ground pulling me with him and into his lap so my legs straddled his both of us sitting on our knees. He pushed me back a little so our eyes met, "I wasn't leaving you Darlin. Only thing make me ever leave ya is the fire that sends me ta hell." He had one hand on my back and the other on my hip, the one on my hip lifted up so he could trail a finger over my cheekbone, "Eyes are copper, be yellow again soon."

I nodded but snorted, "Doesn't take away the deed because the evidence is gone."

"We are what we are Darlin, now it ain't theory, you'll always know how this feels and if its ever hard to resist you'll remember this and fight harder not to slip again."

I swallowed and nodded shifting forward to bury my head in his neck and breath him in again.

"You make my crazy still." I told him after a minute. "Its as though I've just… but the desire is still in the background just… blanketed in the calm."

Peter ran his hand through my hair, "In all this, I know I've said it but I don't think I said it."

"Huh?" I pulled back to meet his eyes in question.

"We're mates Bella, so you belong to me." I snorted at him and he shook his head, "I belong every bit as much to you." I was frowning at him still and his lips quirked in an almost smile, "It means what you said is right, I _can't_ leave you, I wouldn't ever want to."

"Where were you going then?"

"Run, hunt, fight with Jasper. Try to keep from dismembering and burning that dickless prick."

I bit back a laugh but couldn't help the smirk, "Jealous of Edward?"

"You loved him." He sighed.

"You loved her." I hissed trying to pull out of his lap and the hand that had been stroking my hair moved back to my hip.

His grip tightened, forcing me to stay in place. "She never did this." His hissed, his eyes burning as the hand that had been stroking my hair moved to my neck where Jasper's bite rested.

"Did you?" I demanded back.

"No." He growled, "She bore Jasper's mark from when he made her and a hundred others from battles but never a bite like this. Not from me."

"Now I carry four."

"Four?" He hissed.

"James when I was human, Carlisle for making me, Jasper's and yours."

"James's bite is like the thousands that litter me and Jasper. Carlisle bit you to change you." He sighed and his finger gently caressed my neck, "This is different."

"Why?"

"It's a mating mark." I frowned at him and he sighed, "Only very long time companions and mates bite during sex Bella. It's only pleasurable when you share a certain kind of bond."

"You didn't share that with her?"

"No."

"Well I don't have one from Edward."

"I know. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you to, maybe not uptight dickless but his long interred instincts."

"What are you an empath now?"

"No." He snorted, "I just know shit."

"So part of Edward wants to mark me, he didn't."

"Do you want him to?"

"No." I snorted.

"Did you want Jasper to?" After swallowing he quietly added, "Or me?"

I shook my head and bit my lip "I don't know." I frowned at him, "I don't know what it means."

"It means that you share something special with him, with both of us."

"What?"

"A special bond."

"Is that bad?"

"No and I'm glad its him and not prickward or even the doctors."

"Why?"

"Jasper is my brother." He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes at him. "We should get back."

His grip tightened in response, holding me to him. "We need to talk about this Bella."

"About Jasper?"

He growled, "Us."

"There is no us."

Peter growled at me again and yanked my body tighter into his, his teeth scraping over the bite he'd left sending a chill through me.

"So you can turn on a succubi," I panted at him, "Hate to dissolution you but Joe Blow from Anywhere can do that to."

He growled and did it again, "Is that all I do to you?" He breathed in my ear. I shivered again.

"Bella?" Edward called from the trees making a savage sound rip from Peter's chest.

A pleased hum escaped me as I shifted on his lap and buried my head in his neck. I could feel my chest rumbling an almost silent purr as I breathed him in and I couldn't help but place small kisses on his neck and then follow them with my tongue and sucking lightly on the skin.

"How do you make me calm like only after blood and sex?"

"Bella?" Edward's voice was much closer as he moved through the trees to us making Peter growl again, which made me purr and my body arch into his to rub against him a little.

I felt Peter shift, moving me and then pulling me back to him, holding me a little above him with one hand. He had unzipped and as he moved me he pulled my panties to the side and slid slowly into me.

I sighed as I sank onto him burying my face in his neck, "You're calm because this is exactly where you are supposed to be." He whispered his arms holding me tightly against him as he kissed the spot just below my ear.

"Bella?" Edward's voice came from only a foot away as he finally came upon us.

I should be embarrassed, I should be explaining or telling him to leave but all I could focus on was Peter, he was inside me, it had been weeks. I felt my body move against him unconsciously and I let out a low half moan, half sigh, "Pete."

"Are we done talking?" Peter whispered his fingers trailing over my spine. I nodded and scraped my teeth along his neck making his grip tighten momentarily on my back as he struggled for his control. "Are you going to run from me again?"

"No." I agreed.

"That means no pushing me away or avoiding me Bella. You accept I am your mate, here and now and end this battle between us and these instincts. I'm done fighting who and what I am for you so next time you push my buttons I'll push back and the next time dickless gets close to you, the nickname will be as accurate for his use of it as its absence on his person." I nodded and shifted against him. "Bella." He growled.

"Fuck you." I hissed. "This isn't fair."

He snorted, "I don't play fair. Get used to it."

I moaned and rocked against him again. "Fuck me."

"I did. You ran from me."

I bit him making him hiss and his hips jump up into mine making me moan.

"Going to watch me actually fuck my mate?" Peter growled over my shoulder. I heard a twig snap and then his attention was back on me. "Well?"

I licked the venom from the bite I'd remade and rocked against him again. "Please." I begged him.

"Next time you try to run from me I will stop you."

"Yes." I hissed as his hips started to slowly move in a torturous seductive rhythm.

"You can hate me but you will fight me, not run from me and this." He thrust one sharp and hard thrust, "Belongs to me."

"Yes." I moaned trying to rock faster.

His hands prevented me as he returned to the torturous slow rocking.

I felt venom burning my eyes, "Please, Pete." I begged him.

"I'm not made to calm the lust Bella. I'm made to incite it and satiate it."

"Peter." I moaned again. "Please. Please, I need more." I panted at him, "Please."

"More?"

"Yes!" Peter shifted pulling me off him and a cry escaped my lips.

His mouth quickly covered mine as he pushed me onto my back and tore my panties from my body. I screamed as he pressed into me again, this time in one hard thrust. He pulled all the way out and did it again and then again and again, each time I screamed, whimpering as he pulled out until I was again a whimpering, quivering mess, begging him.

"Peter. Please. More. Please." I tried to pull his body into mine with my legs around his hips.

He growled and slammed home dropping his body weight on me and kissing me deeply before sitting back.

I lay shivering with venom in my eyes, panting with need. "More?"

"Peter." I sobbed his name and he pulled me up and turned me so I was on my knees. He thrust in again and set up a rhythm that had me back on the edge in five strokes but refused to let me go over that edge. Instead he pulled out again. I whimpered and growled as he spun me in his arms and lifted me back in his lap.

"Please Peter. No more." I cried burying my head in his shoulder. "Please."

"Shh, baby, I have you." He whispered stroking over my back. He built the orgasm up slowly again, guiding the rhythm with his hands on my hips as I rocked on top of him, my body quivering with need and orgasms not reached.

When I felt the rise coming again his hands let go of my hips, moving to my back I looked into his eyes, "It's ok Darlin." He smiled at me.

I bounced on him, rocking and gyrating and as I felt my muscles clamp down on him our eyes met and my whole body shivered and shook with the intensity as I toppled over the edge in an almost painful orgasm that seemed to continue on, each ripple expanding as he pumped gently up into me a few more times and then came inside of me on a moan.

I sobbed into his neck as he held me after and his hands ran soothingly over my back. "Shh Darlin, it's ok, I have you." He murmured.

It took a while before the shivers stopped and I sat, my head in his neck, breathing in his scent.

"You alright Darlin?" I nodded into his neck, holding tightly to him still. He didn't rush me but after a while he lay back on the forest floor tucking me into his body and kissing my eyelids. "Close your eyes and pretend you're sleeping."

"Why?" I whispered back. He quirked an eyebrow in response so I rolled my eyes and complied evening out my breathing.

When I blinked them open his eyes were closed and his breathing even, as though he were sleeping. The sky had darkened around us.

"Peter?" I whispered.

"Go back to sleep." His arms tightened around me. "I'm not done holdin ya."

I chuckled and snuggled back in his chest, closing my eyes again and matching my breathing to his.

"Bein here aint goin to be good for us Bell."

"Why?" I whispered back breathing him in and snuggling closer to his chest.

"Not here in the woods Darlin, here with the others."

"Why?" I pulled back with a frown at him.

"I ain't going to fight myself anymore Bella and you wont like how I handle all this. Besides there are to many personalities in a small space and it could lend itself to trouble."

"You want to leave the family?"

"Jasper's my only family."

"Not mine."

"They'll always be family then, even if we take off for a bit."

"If I say no?"

"We'll fight about it."

"You don't just get to decide this."

"Put it this way, we stay and someone is getting dismembered."

I rolled my eyes and snorted pushing away from him but he yanked me back into his arms, "You wont like how I react to you running from me again mate." He warned.

"I'm not." I hissed and then sighed sinking back into his body. "Where will we go?"

"One of my homes. We have a lot to learn about each other."

"Fine." I agreed snuggling into his chest. His arms wrapped around me and then he flipped us and as he kissed me he slid into me. This time was fast and wild as instinct took over. The sun was high when we finally made it back to the house.

Jasper smirked at us, "Edward seems to think you violated my little sister brother. He was raving about us stopping you and burning you for it."

I was surprised by the dark and vicious growl that erupted from my own throat.

Peter just laughed, "Bring it on dickless!" he called out.

"Peter." I hissed smacking his chest.

Peter just pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply. I moaned leaning into him as desire swamped my senses again.

"I told you I was made to incite that." He chuckled.

"To satiate it to." I reminded him rubbing against him.

Peter smirked and pulled me up into his arms, "That I am Darlin."

I hummed as I began kissing along his neck. Peter carried me into the house and up to his room, kicking the door shut behind him.

A long while later we came back down and I looked away with the need to blush as all the vampires turned to look at us.

"Welcome back." Emmett teased.

I rolled my eyes at him, "Not for long." I would have been a tomato for that as it was I looked at my feet and turned into Peter who chuckled.

"We're leavin tomorrow."

"We'll see you in six months." Alice smiled at us.

"Six months?" I asked.

"Five months twenty three days. In Maine." Alice told me with a nod.

We shared a smile and I turned to Jasper, he didn't seem to need me to find the words because he sent me a blend of emotions that clearly said, I love you, I'll miss you and I'm here if you need me as well as take care of yourself and my brother. I nodded smiling at him and he nodded back.

I turned to Carlisle and Peter's arm tightened pulling me a millimeter closer to him, "Thank you, for everything."

Carlisle nodded, "We're family. Even if we aren't all together. We'll always be there when you need us."

I nodded at him with a smile and turned to Carmen and Eleazar, "Thank you for having us."

"Family is always welcome." Carmen smiled at me, Eleazar nodding in agreement.

I turned to Kate, Irina and Tanya then. "I… thank you."

"Call us anytime." Kate assured me with a smile.

"Our covens might be extended family but you're our sister now too." Tanya added.

"We succubi need to stick together." Irina winked.

"I'll miss you."

All three of them nodded and Peter let me go to hug them.

I moved back to Peter and smiled at the others, "I'll see you all soon."

"Take care Tinkerbella." Emmett nodded.

"Be sure to call and let me know how you are." Esme added.

Rosalie met my eyes, "We'll let you know if and when we move." I nodded, "We… I, will never leave you again." She smiled, "Even if we aren't together, we're family and always here for you."

I sniffed, feeling venom sting my eyes as I pulled from Peter again to hug her, "How do I let go of what I've already forgiven?"

"I wish I knew." She whispered back, "I think its just time, lucky we have lots of that and the family will spend forever making it up to you and proving you can trust our love of you."

"Thank you." We squeezed each other tighter for a moment and then let go. She smiled at me and nodded so I nodded back and moved to Peter who took my hand and then led me outside.


End file.
